A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been going out for a while now and we want to make love. To my distress we're both virgins. He can't seem to get hard at the right times and yesterday when he did and got a condom on it all went downhill from there. I don't think he was up for very long because he couldn't get in me. Ugh it's so embarrassing and awkward. What do I do? About the (lack of) sex and the whole situation. Maybe I'm just taking it too seriously but it is hella frustrating. We usually communicate really well but I really can't be bothered to talk to him about this right now and really don't want to discuss it with any friends. :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010): check it out, i had this problem with some female i used to date, we werent virgins but we were talking for about 3 weeks, i was just anticipating having sex with her so long that i would fold under pressure.. we would hang out everyday at my moms house and we would try to have sex in my old room. to much was going on in my head though that i just couldnt establish an erection.. We would have alot of fun together without having sex. and it got to the point where i was like damn if i dont do something today she is just going to see me as a "friend" well nothing happend that day, and i was dissapointed in myself, and she didnt freak out. She just stopped getting intimate with me, unless i put the move on her first.. So she stopped putting pressure on me, and when she did that i finally after like 2 weeks after that day, she had her own apartment, and i would go over there and i just felt so confortable with her, i would get a hard on.. so dont put pressure on the dude, it only make's fellaz feel like they wont live up to the hype your building up for them.. Take it slow and let them take control, when they have the confidence it will happend, and believe me, you will end up typing on here again saying your boyfriend dont want to stop having sex... OUT
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (17 January 2010):
 The thing about making love that the movies don't really show is just how clumsy and awkward and goofy and embarassing it can be. I would guess that for most people it's not at all smooth and effortless to have a stupendous lovemaking session.
Look, if you can't be bothered to talk to him about this, you're not going to get anywhere. You each have expectations about how things are supposed to go, fantasies about what you think will happen, and unless you have some kind of sense of shared purpose, you're going to stumble and fumble and have a pretty awful time.
For heaven's sake, develop a sense of humor about this, it will help you though most bumps together. Try to find something to giggle about with him--he's probably not feeling too happy about things himself. Ease up, lighten up, step back, go back to making out and just being close again before you try to do anything.
There are a few people who are born knowing how to tango; most have to learn. Same with sex, you have to learn your body and then his and there's all sorts of ways to mess it up. Relax, enjoy what's good, laugh off what's awful and cut yourself a break. And him, give him a break too, he doesn't deserve to be given the cold shoulder for not being a sexual god his first time out.
Good luck.
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