A
female
age
30-35,
*topMeFromFalling
writes:So I'm going to have sex probably this week. It will be my first time. I really really really don't want to get pregnant. He and I are going to use a condom of course and I'll still have him pull out when he's using the condom, but besides not having sex and birth control (which I cannot get) what can I do to not get pregnant? And what's some advice you could give since it's my first time?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): Watch out for the pregnancy thing...! I hope you want it and he wants it too, so none of you regret for it after its done.
Otherwise believe in your self and give him everything. HAVE FUN!!!
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (16 June 2010):
Without being trite or preachy, if you're not in a position to deal with a pregnancy then there's a good chance you're not ready for sex.
At the very least, I hope you and your B/F have spent some time - any where from several days, to a few months - learning about each others' bodies and how to pleasure each other without penetrative sex, with necking, petting, oral sex, etc.
Like bowling, long division, or public speaking, good sex is something you learn through practice. It's an even more complicated activity than these examples. Like sports, sex is physical; like math, sex is mental; and like oration, sex is psychological. For most of us, both guys and gals, the first time isn't great sex. My first time was lousy sex. My wife's first time was lousy sex. (In fact, her first time and my first time were the same time. It was rather painful for her, and a bloody mess.) But even though it was lousy sex, it was very significant and meaningful to us.
The physiological mechanics of sex, especially your first time, are well-documented here on this Forum - the question probably gets asked a couple times every month. There used to be an article by "satindesire" (and many of the side comments on that page) that was excellent! I'd call it a must-read for you and your B/F except that it has vanished from [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.html ]
For the record, my wife and I were both 23 when we exchanged virginity (she took mine and I got hers in return) on our wedding night. The story is in the thread "I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night...", at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-virgin-and-worried-about-my-wedding.html ]. (Scroll down the thread to find my post.) Even though it was lousy sex, it was still very significant and meaningful to us! And despite that lousy first-time, we're still married - to each other - over 35 years later.
Other threads I contributed to include "How can I make my first time having sex enjoyable?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-make-my-first-time-having.html ] and, "I want to start having sex with him . . ." at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-to-start-having-sex-with-him.html ] (scroll down to find my response), and "He's a virgin, I'm not. How can I make it meaningful for him?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/hes-a-virgin-im-not--how-can.html ] and "Any stories about losing your virginity??" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/any-stories-about-losing-your-virginity.html ].
Something we weren't prepared for was our emotional state immediately afterwards. I've read about this and talked to others, and the details vary WIDELY among people. (My wife & I were both sobbing, and pain wasn't the major cause.) The best I can say is that you need to be sensitive to each other, as well as yourselves, because you can do some emotional damage without even realizing it.
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A
female
reader, beautifuldisaster0317 +, writes (16 June 2010):
Make sure you practice safe sex, use a condom and take it slow. There is no need to rush into anything, make sure you are both comfortable. Make sure not to force each other onto things. You should be fine, just take it slow.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (16 June 2010):
 There's one absolute sure-fire way to prevent getting pregnant: hold a nickel between your knees and don't have sex at all. If you're certain this is what you want to do, then be sure to use the condom and use it right. There is also over-the-counter spermicides like foams and jellies-to use in conjunction with a condom as a means of doubling down on protection you can find these in drug stores or near the condoms in other stores.
First: relax. Being tense and tuned up isn't enjoyable for anyone.
Second: shower, feel nice and clean and fresh all over.
Third: be prepared, your first time isn't always the best one. Go slow, it may be a bit painful. Some girls bleed a little, too.(this is a one and done thing, after the first time it shouldn't hurt)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): just as long as he's using a condom you'll be fine! and the fact that he's going to pull out won't really make a difference.. but it's always good to check the condom after he's finished just to be safe. if it happened to rip get plan b.
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