A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in desperate need of some help, answers, something. I feel as if I am loosing my spirit if not entirely lost already. I have lost everything car, Home, spouse, career. and have ended up on the couch of my family. which is awful considering as a kid they were very verbally abusive to me. And have not changed. I am in a horrible place and desperatly want out of it. I don't believe I can get any lower. I am starting to sink inward and don't feel the fight in me anymore. I am in my early 40's starting over with absolutely nothing and soon to be sleeping on an acquantences couch. Is there any suggestions on were to begin again? How to begin again? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Moonknight  +, writes (14 October 2010):
 This man is a mad man, for a dying man he sure is clingy. He sounds a bit like my mother's ex, who would give her something then later take it back, like a phone and act really stupid, he was on drugs and that explained his odd behaviour.
You know kate i'm really proud of you for standing up for your self and not falling weak to this, very impressed.
Taking the car number plate off is such a weak and pathetic move, shows how desperate he is to have some kind of controll over you, like i said i'm proud of you for holding your grounds.
Selling the car at this point is an excellent idea since he's played such a sad move, getting something from the car that he can no longer try to pretend that it's his property is a good start.
I wouldn't worry too much about your parents, with things bothering them, that's just old people moaning, although it is crap to be the one around their constant yappering at the least, their opinions are after all worthless unless you value it, since it has no use to you it's of no value.
If your ex does have another set of keys for the car and does take it back, don't sweat it. just move on.
Make sure you put your self first over everyone else right now kate, this is your life don't live it for others.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell to update ....things have been pretty insane my x who gave me his car came over and took the plate off of it in the middle of the night and stuck it on the windsheild in the morning he showed up again demanding the vehicle back which i said no. I had to call the police so he would leave and if shows up again he will be arrested for trespassing which has made things pretty miserable with my parents. Everything is always a bother to them.He called the next day saying he was going to sew myself and my parents and never gave a reason. He is completely insane. Anyways I have the vehicle and I am going to change the title into my name and sell it. Hopefully I will be able to buy a good used vehicle in return. So I can finaly be on my way. Fingers crossed by this Saturday... and hopefully he doesn't steal it back in the middle of the night cause thats the kind of guy he is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Moonknight for kinda looking after me with advice. Things have been pretty positive for the last few days. Enjoying the freedom of independence and hopefully there will be more to come. My x said he would be so kind as to pay the insurance for a year for me. But he has threatened me twice to take it off. So as with the truck he could steal that back and with the insurance taken away I am enjoying it for what its worth and if it goes (which I hope it doesn't) I will deal ok. Can't miss what wasn't yours in the first place.. Right ? Right! Things have been calming and actually have been smiles with my parents. Just what I have needed some calm in the storm that has been my life so that I can pick up with a positive atittude and start again... Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me. I hope all is happy and well in your life Cheers to you and yours
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reader, Moonknight +, writes (6 October 2010):
I honestly don't think you should keep it purely because as you said, it keeps you at his mercy, and you are trying to get away from exactly this. However in reality a car offers alot of flexability, being mobile is importand and having a car makes you very independant.
I have no idea what this car is worth money wise, often in the modern day world of cars their prices drop alot and it is not usually worth selling, i say, don't sell it, you need to be able to move about, but use it only if must, if you don't need it don't use it.
For conversation sake i'm gonna call you kate ;- )
Now kate i just want to say on the pervious answer Boombadaboom made, i strongly disagree on that, reasons why, is that to me you sound like a very strong confident female who's just had a life changing problem, but you still sound eager to me, and waht Boombadaboom said about taking a break, i think is totally wrong, it is HARD and i mean HARD! to get back on the horse once you've fallen off, the strengh it takes inside to find the will to climb back on is just too hard, many people don't get back up, and end up taking anti depressant tablets.
Reason why i say this, is 1 it'll build more self strengh for you, 2 more confidence as you pull out of the past to point of really being independant again.
Don't give it back though, the sooner he sees you are willing to take whatever you get, without regret the loser his claws around you gets, it's yours now so keep it.
You do need a break but i don'tpersonally think now is the time for that. Since you are at the crossrads i'm going to tell you the story of alice in wonderland it may help you.
Every one is looking for their purpose. Must have a purpose! A story I often hear from motivational speakers is the story of Alice in Wonderland and Cheshire Cat. Alice stands at a crossroads and asks the cat which path she should take. He asks “Where are you going?” She says she doesn’t know. “Well then, it doesn’t really matter which path you take.”
I hope you find some wisdom in these words kate, for i once did and it helped alot
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy day today has been about what should i do now that I have my x's vehicle.?Morally I feel I am taking something that does not belong to me. Even though he has given it to me with title I now know this is to get me to come back to him. Which I can not do. I can turn around and sell it take what I get and use the monies to buy another vehicle? (not an easy route)Keep it as I know he has taken the best care of it? or Give it back? He said he would pay insurance for a year but this keeps me at his mercy for as long as I am unable to afford insurance.and he will probably threaten to cancel it all the time if not do it, My plan is to get in the car and drive to another state. Which I used to live in and basically lost everything and had to end up on my parents couch. So I would like to leave this state and find a new begining for myself. elsewhere with a start in a better enviroment, I would appreciate any and advice. I really want to go forward.... Wish sometime I came with a manual and I could occasionally peak at it as to what is next.... thank you again for the advice and the wonderful words of encouragment Cheers.....
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reader, Moonknight +, writes (5 October 2010):
:- ) glad to hear some good news
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for such positive words. I feel like such a down person these days. I search my soul and I have no idea what I want to be. It sounds so shallow. I have been so consumed with all the drama my life has been that I have never taken the time or would know were to begin to find that me. I want that me. I want a drama free life with ME.
Just to update. I have (on an up note) obtained a car. In a sad way but in a way that is given (hopefully) with true kindness. My x abusive spouse has given me his car. He has recently been diagnosed with MS after two heart attacks and will be or is unable to drive. This was a problem for me cause I wanted to be there for him but he is still abusive to me and I can not and will not end my life with his.
I am just trying to figure out what is the next step? I appreciate all who have responded to me and thank you for this forum. This is the first time I have reached out and appreciate all the help and suggestions. Today was a day I went forward. That is a wonderful day for me.... Cheers to all
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): Hi
The first few days of your new life are starting, with chaos comes the change. Be excited at what may be waiting ahead of you. You lost it all, you now have a sofa and you have YOU! what will you become, what will you do, where will it all lead you.....i find the unknown exciting it is full of potential you are free to decide your future. Abuse you don't have to tolerate from anybody , quite right, leave it behind with the old you. Feel no shame at the idea of a sofa and a clean slate, be who you always wanted to be.
Nothing!!! is good sometimes because we see clearer.
:) spunky monkey
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the responses. I have been slowly watching things crash around me for the last few years. I left an abusive spouse with nothing and really never dealt with abuse from childhood so just thought I would be one of those who just got on with their lives and didn't feel necessary to dwell on the past. But it haunts me because of decisions I have made through out my life. So I am hanging on and hoping for someone to throw me a line. I am getting off this couch in the next few days and go stay with friends. Getting out of this abusive situation is were I need to start. I am greatful for the responses and open to all the advice I can get. Kindest to all,
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reader, Boombadaboom  +, writes (3 October 2010):
 Haha those first two answers sounded like recipes.
Whatever you do, DON'T find a new job. I don't know what you'll do moneywise, but here where I live, when you're unemployed, you get a very low sort of existence payment. The state pays it of course. It pays just enough to pay rent and cheap food but nothing more. If you have something similar there where you live, I suggest you try that. Because YOU NEED A BREAK. Don't get a job because money won't make you happy and I'm asuming you want to be happy instead of wealthy, right?
First of all, if you don't like the family, get out of there as soon as possible! Don't give any money excuse. If you really want to find a solution, you'll find solution. Important word here is: Information. You just need to inform yourself on many things and so happen to stumble on the right thing. Or try stay with friends. As long as you find true goodnatured people who genuinly want to help, you'll be alright. The world is a big place, you have more ways to go than you can imagine. You just have to find them :) And one will follow the other. You'll still have letdowns in the future, possibly a lot but it's when you're not let down that it'll make the difference. I'm very tired but when I have some more good advice for you, i'll come back and post it. Anyway, if all else fails, you can still scrape up enough money for a one way ticket to japan for example and live in a remote village working for food and shelter like they do in the movies :D It seems to always help those people ;)
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reader, Moonknight +, writes (3 October 2010):
Very hard to say anything that could help you not knowing where how it all ended.
I feel for you :- ( this is not nice at all, what happened to your career? because your first step would be to find a new job and get somekind of income, without an income it doesn't get any easier.
Don't give in because what don't kill you only makes you stronger! and it does! never look at a down point of life experience as bad, later on you always see how much it helps you greatly.
So please start with a job search, i can't say that searching for job is easy, i have always found it hard myself, searching will get you out of the house for a bit away from those abusive people, i understand what it is like to not have any choice here.
Whatever has happened to have destroyed your life the way it has needs some attention too, for it will be eating away at you and killing your self confidence, you will need your confidence more than ever to pick your self up.
Talk to as many people as you can, no one cas n help you if they don't know what you are going through
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