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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am fifteen years old and I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for ten months. We have been in a long distant relationship for seven out of those ten months.Sometimes I feel like I love him so much it's unbearable, and I miss him so much, I feel sick to my stomach and I get this feeling of emptiness everytime he's away.I pray to God that there will be a future for us awaiting after all of this is said and done. I can't picture myself with anybody else.We had a baby but I miscarried and we miss our baby all the time, I think that brought us closer in a sense. Everybody tells me, "your too young to be in love" and "it wont last forever" but I know we've been through our struggles but everytime things get hard, he is the one I want next to me when things get better.So my question is: Was the love you felt as a teenager really real, now that your older? and do you still think of your first love? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2009): my boyfriend no matter what age his child will come at he wll always be there because he knows what its like to grow up without a father, even if they arent "together" he will still be there when its major events happen and he will be there for the rest of its life.
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female
reader, trotman68  +, writes (11 September 2009):
 I dont think anyone can comment on this as this is a question we all have different views on. No one knows the answer to this question as its a question that will always be questionable to us all.
The word Love, Young or the older generation, will never know the answer to this one as we have all asked ourselves this throughout our lifes, we have all different views but I would say there is no age or rights or wrongs but I do agree with k c100, life is to short to worry about it you being so young and babies isnt the answer to keep any man in your life. Babies are not weapons in relationships and dont keep men to stay with you, if I am honest, its more the oppersite as babies are hard work and im 40 and been with my husband 20 years now and its the kids that could have made us separate if anything and trust me babies do come in the way of a lot of relationships as kids do have to come first.
I believe in my heart you can love someone all your life, you might sit there and think of them from time to time and you think of what life could have been like but when your young you dont have the pressures of which you do as a adult. Any relationship can go bad and love is the strangest thing in life. I wanted someone nearly all my life and didnt see them for 30 years and when we did finally meet up, it was wonderful and all the right things was said and yes we could have run in the sunset and lived happy ever after, but trust me its not such a happy ending as the lies that was told and words that he said he meant was just from someone that uses people. everything he knew I feared and everything I went through as a child, he used it to his advantage.
One day he loved me more than anything, the next day because we had a disagreement, he never talked to me again and I went and still get angry, but with myself as I trusted him and believed him, so when it comes down to loving someone, just be careful because love isnt always what it seems to be and love can hurt you so bad and it doesnt matter what age you are.
If you are in love at a young age, spend time planning your future, talk about the next ten years together, but live it the best you can and do things that you dream of before any ring or babies come along because if its true love it will still be there in 10 years time to.
Always respect each others dreams and work together to getting all your goals.
I really do hope you wait no matter how much you love each other because live is a rocky road and just find yourselfs first and everything should slip into place. (sometimes not as at 40 I Still feel confused with the word love)
Please keep me informed on this as sometimes having a friend that you can talk to is very much needed. All the best.x
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): Yes, I was really in love in the 8th grade. It lasted 9 months and took me years to really get over it. In those years, he became homeless and a real loser. He was from a wealthy home and had it all waiting for him, but he chose drugs.Babies, honestly, put stress on relationships. They DO NOT ENSURE A MARRIAGE. If that happens, he may run the other way.
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reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (8 September 2009):
 GO to school and live your life i dont believe in love its just a bunch of chemicals in your brain but i believe in having an education and getting a good job and getting paid.
the difference between love as an adult is adults have the life experience to realize what there feeling is and should be able to make the most logical decision but they dont always do.
yes you can have the so called love feeling at 15 but it doesn't mean you should act on it, if i see a cash register full of C notes even if i want to doesn't mean i should reach in and help my self
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reader, k_c100 +, writes (8 September 2009):
 This is a really interesting question!
Now I am 22 and I had my "first love" aged 15. At the time he was my world and I thought I would never be able to live without him. 12 months into the relationship we split up, and I was devastated. I would say that what I felt for him was real love, but the love you feel for your first boyfriend is very different to the love you will feel for someone when you are older.
When you are a teenager you are quite selfish and wrapped up in your own little world with your own little problems. Everything seems like a huge deal, so the love you feel for a boyfriend when you are a teenager seems bigger and more intense than it really is.
Love when you are a teenager is more an infatuation than real love - it is a feeling that you cannot be without them, you need to be close to them all the time...etc. Your feelings are very intense - each emotion really hurts. So you miss them so much it hurts, you love them so much it hurts.....
When you love someone as an adult it doesnt really feel like that. Those sorts of feelings are an infatuation - adults might get these feelings at first in a relationship but then it wears off. Love as an adult is on a much deeper level, it is more of a deeper connection than these crazy feelings you get as a teen.
I never really think of my first love anymore, since him I have had a much deeper and stronger love for this one guy who I would definitely say is the one for me (even though I thought my first love was the one at the time!).
No-one can tell you whether you will stay with this guy or not - that is just down to life and fate. You never know, your lives might go in the same direction and you will be together forever. Or you could grow apart and the love might just fade away, there is about a 50/50 chance so you will never really know!
One of my best friends is still with her first ever boyfriend (he was her first kiss too!) and they have been together 6 years now and are still as happy as they were when they were 16! So who's to say that first love never lasts eh?! But then again they have chosen to not go to uni, not follow their career dreams etc to be together - if they followed their dream careers they just could not have made it work. So being with a first love often means you have to sacrifice a lot.
I think the main reason people tell you "it will never last" is because you as a person (and your boyfriend) will change so much over the next 5-8 years. You might want to go to college, you might want to get a great job in a different city, you might want to travel....etc. Those are your dreams and choices - the liklihood is that your boyfriend wont always share these dreams and will have ideas of his own for the future. As a teenager you should be able to follow your dreams and not sacrifice them for anyone, hence why it is quite easy to grow apart from your first love.
I have one other good friend who is still with her second "love" and she met him when she was 16. She really resents him for her life now - while she loves him with all her heart and couldnt be without him, she wishes she had the opportunity to make more of her life. She has a huge mortgage with him that she pays 50% of (even though he earns double her wage), she is on rubbish pay because she never went to uni, and she hates her job. She has no money for holidays or any of the fun stuff that she sees us (her friends) doing.
This is just a general observation but half of my friends from school have stayed with boyfriends they have met when they were teenagers - and none of them went to uni. The other half of us (including me) went to uni and now have great jobs and are very happy. The ones that didnt go to uni dont have much money and are struggling with jobs they dont really enjoy. I do fully believe that they have all been held back by their boyfriends - they are all really clever girls who got great grades and could have done anything they wanted but they didnt want to be away from their boyfriends so they made some huge sacrifices.
Whereas my other friends and I have all got a good education, earning good money in jobs we enjoy, and we have great boyfriends too. So I dont know if the sacrifice for their boyfriends was really worth it?
One thing that worries me more than teens being in love (which I believe you can be and they are genuine feelings) is teen pregnancies. Now anyone under the age of 21 is too young to be a parent - you dont have the life experience to be able to bring up a child! How you supposed to educate your child when you havent finished education yourselves? Children should not be bringing up children, it is as simple as that.
I am very sorry you lost your baby, that is a horrible thing for anyone to have to go through. But you have to realise that having a baby wont bring you closer together - it will eventually drive you apart. It is too stressful and too much to handle when you are a teenager and the majority of teen relationships where there is a baby involved break up. After many months on this site I have never seen or heard of a teen mum whose boyfriend/father of the baby has stayed with her, and she is left bringing up the baby alone with the help of her parents. Even in cases where the boyfriend has been the one with the idea to have a child - when the reality dawns on them they run away and have no real obligation to the child, unlike the mother.
If you and your boyfriend are in love then good for you and I hope it does all work out well for you. But just enjoy each other and being young, make plans for your future and work towards building a good life together. Children should come later on when you are much more settled in life and have finished growing up yourselves.
I hope this helps!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): I was in love a thirteen, then that girlfriend cheated on me with my so called "best friend", so that was that. I then fell in love again at the age of fifteen, in which i moved in with my girlfriend, we were together until i was twenty one, and then that one was all said and done. So yes, it's possible to be in love, but there's no guarantee last it will last forever, but thats the chance we take with love even as adults. If you work hard to feed the relationship, and give it what it needs to survive, then it stands a better chance of lasting. GL!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): I think everyone knows all about the feeling you describe, and you can get it whether you're fifteen years old or fifty.
As for my first love - I see her every day now that we're living together - have been for the last 10 years - so I guess it must have been real. It's a matter of conjecture if we'd still be together had we stayed together since our teenage years, something we'll never know.
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reader, peachstone  +, writes (8 September 2009):
The love I felt was real, at the time. it was real because it was the only love that I had known. i don't think you should be worried about what adults feel about your relationship. it is very real to you, and I doubt what they say will change that.
With experience, your experience of love may change, but for now, be young.
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