A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone. Thank you in advance for taking time out of your busy lifes to help with all of our problems and for reading my problem too.Well the main problem is that i am in love with a great guy (all these months he has helped me through so much, he is protective, sweet, fun and most of all he really cares about me as a person). Sounds amazing? well he is 16 and i am in my early 20s... so i don't even know if being with me is legal or not... we are not officially a couple but we are making out and we are really close. To be honest i don't care about the age difference but me and his mother don't get along too well so i'm scared she might try to forbid us to see each other if she ever finds out... Also we are not having sex, he is still a virgin and i care about him too much to let it happen too soon... so is being together illegal even though we don't have sex? could his mother use the law against us to take him away?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 November 2012):
 I have to agree wholeheartedly with SVC
A 20-something WOMAN should not be looking for a 16 year old BOY to date. It might be legal in many places but I personally think the age gap of 6+ years is WAY to big at this stage. Given the fact that males also mature MUCH slower then girls you should be "light years" ahead of him.
So I will say the same as I would if YOU were the male and he the female. THIS IS NOT an even relationship AT all.
Like SVC said you can vote,drink, drive, join the military and/or work on your college education - can can BARELY drive yet....
Either you are VERY immature (and then you need to work on that in another way then date a 16 year old) or he can pretend to be mature (but really at 16 WHO is mature? )
From a moral standpoint I don't think it's right. Doesn't matter your gender or his gender.
Legally - depends on your countries laws.
Are there NO GUYS (not boys) your own age?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 November 2012):
 I’m not worried about legal since you are not having sex with him although being physical with him (passionate kisses and/or petting) can be misconstrued and may present issues… I’d cut that out too till he’s 18)
I assume you are working and supporting yourself or close to it. You are an adult he is not.
You can drink and vote and drive and go to bars… he cannot. He must still be in high school.
I find it very disconcerting that an adult woman of your age is so interested in a 16 year old boy.
He’s not really old enough at this point to be making good choices. His brain is not fully formed yet. I’m all for age gap relationships.
For example.. when my husband was 16 I was 30…. I would not have gone near him… I doubt I would have found him attractive or entertaining or worth my effort at 16. Of course now that he’s 39 and I’m 52 we are fine… so don’t get me wrong I have no issue with older women younger MEN but OLDER women and YOUNGER BOYS leaves a sour taste in my mouth
It leads me to suspect that you are trying to avoid growing up by being with this young man.
IF I am wrong, then the best thing you can do, is to let him go be a teen properly and when he’s older if you are still connected go from there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2012): What particular reason does his mother dislike you? Chances are yes, if she doesn't like you now and she's not even aware of the relationship you have, then its likely she will do everything in her power to put a stop to it when she finds out.
What country are you in? I think in most countries the common legal age of consent is 16 (but not all countries) If its legal where you are, then you're doing nothing wrong by law. If it IS illegal, then you've broken the law already by just "Making out" with him.
Supposing it is legal though, I would not approve of anyone over the age of 17 to be in a relationship with someone of 16. At 18 a person is classes legally as an adult, at 16 (legal or not) a person is still classed as a minor (Child). You are way over 17 (not even to mention 18) and the main reason is that I see it as IMMORAL.
Do you have friends and much of a social life? What would your friends think of this? A lot of adults would just laugh to find out one of their friends is in a relationship with a mid-teenager. As for what sort of life you expect to have with someone of his age, I don't know. As I said you are an adult and he's still classed as a child, there's a LOT more doors open to you in this world than there is for him at his age. If you were to go exclusive with him, you would have to go backwards in life and resort to ONLY doing things that 16 year old's can do, which is just go to the cinema, sit at home watching movies or if you wanna drink beer and have a good time, it would have to be done in a house (most likely yours) or stand on the street or hang around outsides shops/stores as teens do these days, there's not much else of interest teenager can/want to do these days. You would NOT be able to go clubbing and do other things with him that you could do with an adult boyfriend.
Maybe you are more of a "Stay at home" kind of person and you would rather relax in front of the tv with a cup of tea or a glass of wine instead of pushing yourself to the limit living the crazy life. Maybe you want to knuckle down and concentrate on your future. How would you go about planning this with a kid who may/may not(?) have left high school? He's not old enough to get an excellent job with good money to support a steady relationship or legally pass his driving licence and own a car. All he can do is maybe get a part time job, go to college, sit at home with his mother, hang out with friends or play x-box all day while you do all the constructive leg work.
I doubt at 16 he has enough of the adult mentality to be in a long term serious relationship. Have you actually ever asked him if he's willing to give up his teenage life, friends, xbox, being free and having fun etc, to settle down with you? How do you know he's not just a horny school boy looking to lose his virginity with someone?
They say girls are always one step ahead maturity wise than boys, and to be honest, I don't know that many teenage girls that could cope with all the responsibilities of an adult life, so it doesn't say much for this guy really.
You should think, re-think and think again about what you're actually wanting to do here in my opinion.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 November 2012):
 If you are in Greece as your flag says, I think legally you are OK , the age of sexual consent there is 15 ( but please do check, don't just take my word for it :), you never know ).
This does not mean that his mother can't prevent him from dating you, only that she can't press criminal charges against you. The boy is a minor, and if he's living at home, and supported by his parents, he would have either to abide by their rules , including rules about dating,- or to move out , which anyway he can't do without their consent until he comes of age at 18 .
In other words , the difference is that you would not end up in jail, or on a sex offenders registry, but, he being a minor, his parents surely can ship him off to live somewhere else, or lock him up in some boarding school, or do whatever they feel right to prevent him from seeing you.
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