A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 26 years old, and am in a relationship for the first time. I recently was diagnosed with ADHD, and am currently on medication for this condition. Largely because I have ADHD, and have no previous relationship experience, I am very, very naive. This has caused me to make some mistakes in this current relationship.Thus far, I have not told my girlfriend about this condition or the fact that I am on medication. My main question is, should I tell her about this?Also, does anybody have any other advice for me as to what I can do to make this relationship succesful? I really want things to work out with her, but am afraid that my condition and my naivete will prevent it from happening. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Reply to this Question
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reader, dirtball +, writes (3 August 2010):
 4 weeks is still long enough to have had a few dates. I'd definitely tell her. I agree with rcn, you don't need to treat it like an abnormality. Really, in the scheme of things that could be "wrong" with you, that's pretty low on the totem.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn response to dirtball, I have been in this relationship for approximately 4 weeks--not very long.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (2 August 2010):
 First you need to not treat yourself as if ADHD is an abnormality. We are wired differently, in our scattered brain thinking and in how we do things. We might do differently, but the same end result is reached.
You should tell her. Even with this, there should be no secrets if you care for the girl you're with. Use this time as an opportunity to find out who you are. ADHD is way of being, it's who we are. I had someone ask me once what it was like to live with ADHD, I asked them, what is it like to live without it. I don't know, because I don't that to compare my being to.
Relationships can be difficult. What I recommend is reading what you can on how to adjust yourself to be successful in one. Once you know who you are and what limitations you have, you can then develop ways to compensate for those limitations. You can make it work. The biggest issue we have is self doubt. That's what you have to overcome. Is anyone perfect? Of course not. Learn to love your differences, and others will also. I love having ADHD. My brain runs at a much faster pace than normal, but I'm proud of that. This is because when I need that speed in an otherwise highly stressful situation, it comes in handy, or when I'm performing an analysis. i can analyze something and develop a solution at the additional speed my brain runs. Sometimes it'll be frustrating, but remember, you have other things some people only wish they could do.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (2 August 2010):
How long have you been in the relationship? I'd tell her about the ADHD. If she is a good person this will not make her feel any different about you. Relationships should be built on honest communication. We all omit things about ourselves that we don't like when getting to know people, but the more we get to know them, the more we should feel comfortable talking to them about our "flaws" as well.
Naivete can be enduring or annoying depending on who you're dealing with. I will assume that you're referring to relationships for your naivete. That's not a bad thing in my book. Because you don't have past experiences to shape or jade you, you will be more open to the whole experience. Often, people will shut themselves down emotionally if they've been hurt in the past. You shouldn't have that problem.
The most important thing you can do for your relationship is communicate. Tell her about yourself. Tell her your fears and concerns. Listen to hers. You don't have to tell her everything right up front, but healthy communication is the number 1 indicator for successful relationships. Good luck and I hope it works out for you.
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A
female
reader, Jodie-agony aunt-27  +, writes (2 August 2010):
 If you feel like you can trust your girlfriend and if you believe in your own mind that she will stick by you then there should be no problem. She should understand and it shouldnt effect your current relationship, but the more you take time to hide it away, the more shocked and aback-taken she is going to be when you tell her. But i advise you to make sure you know from your partners point-of-you that she will committ and stick by you before you tell her anything. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): I am 49 years old and I too have ADD. The right thing to do is disclose your medical condition and that you are on medication.
D
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