A
female
age
41-50,
*akarekas2
writes:So, I have been with my boyfriend for three years. We dated 7 years ago for a few short months and broke up because he was cheating on me. He called me three years ago and we have been together since. For about the last year we have been fighting and have been on and off. The majority of this is my fault. I can't stop snooping. The other day I asked him about a receipt I found, which turned out to be a birthday present for his mother, and we really haven't talked since. He told me a month ago that if I continued to keep it up, he was going to leave. He talked to me today for a few short minutes but that was it. This may sound dumb, but does anyone have any advice on how to stop? It is at the point where it is a habit to do it. I have never found anything to show that he was doing something behind my back, but I can't break the cycle. I have gone through his phone, his laundry, his car, under the bed and couch, driven around to try to find where he is, you name it. Please help me because if I didn't already lose him, I will.
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female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (16 June 2008):
 Stop yourself from doing this. Its just like anything that requires will power, stopping smoking, dieting etc, you have to really want to stop and try and break the cycle. The only other answer if you really cant is to try counselling as you have never got over the trust issue with this guy from first time around. There is no magic cure but you at least you realise you have to stop this now before you lose him x
A
female
reader, dangerouslove. +, writes (16 June 2008):
 You can't have a relationship without trust.You have none at all for your current boyfriend.Because, he cheated on you before, you have no faith in him not doing it again. If this was the case, whyd you get back together? Everybody makes mistakes and you obviously haven't gotten over the fact that he has cheated on you before. This causes problems. Maybe a solution would be, for you two to stay together but not live in the same house. That way, you cannot snoop through his things and from you not always knowing what hes doing, where hes going, could increase the trust level again. If you love this man, you need to trust that he loves you too. I'm sure snooping through his things is not helping your situation at all, you think this is relieving your worries, but it's not. It's causing more problems for you to worry about, and especially because you have not found evidence of him cheating you. Why doesn't that prove to you that he's not? To another persons point of view, you sound like an over protective, jealous girlfriend! Is that who you want to be? You need to fix this by telling him the reasons of why you do this. I know you are scared of getting hurt again, so tell him where you stand and im sure he'll reassure that he loves you and won't make the same mistakes again. Sit down with him and have a serious talk, away from any distractions. Don't raise your voice or get mad. Talk rationally and go from there.Update me, and take care.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (16 June 2008):
Bad habits are always easy to do the more you do them...
But you KNOW this is a BAD thing to do.
You just need to bite the bullet, recognise you have a problem / habit / addiction / whatever you want to call it and go cold turkey.
Find something to do with your time and distract your mind so you don't start thinking about all those pockets that could be hiding things.
Good Luck!! xx
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