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female
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anonymous
writes: my ex and i were together for over 3 years and broke up over a year ago but no one did anything so wrong..no cheating or anything..just arguments over silly thingsi contacted him a year later leaving a v-mail and he called me back a few minutes later and i explained my regrets and he said he can't jump back into this which I understood. We can't rush back into being together. He also said there are financial things going on stressing him out and also how he feels closed off right now. He said we would exchange calls and then meet. We have been talking for a few months about twice a week He does seem like he isn't happy with the way things in his life are going (unless he is bs'ing me). He says with the mortgage he is paying for his mother's house he has negative income coming in and that he also might have to give up his apartment. He also said he thinks his job will be making rounds of layoffs and he would eventually be affected. He also said if he gave up his apartment (and I live at home but actually might be moving out soon but i didn't tell him that yet) he said where are we going to go; what are we going to do? you need money to do some things etc. I said its not a reason to not see someoneHe said it doesn't feel right to him right now to see each other. He said he can't erase all the negative things or red flags that happened before etc (noone cheated or anything; it was just petty arguments that should have been avoided) He said at the very least just put things on hold and that he needs to square other things away first and that he just isn't in that mindset right now and to basically give it more time. I asked him do you want me to go away and he said he isn't ready to say ok don't talk to me anymore. And I asked so you don't even know if you want to see me in a few months? and he said well it would have to be within a few months or so and that he can't expect me to wait 5 years for a phone call and i told him no i can't do that. I also pointed out it seems like you are turning down the idea without even trying and he said what we have been doing now is trying but he just isn't ready right now. And he said he knows what will happen when we do see each other; it will just be more and more--whatever that means--becoming attached again?he said he would call and over a week goes by and i didn't hear from him and it made me wonder if he was blowing me off after telling me that or just taking his time...i then found out the company i work for might be bought out which probably means losing my job..i was kind of upset and nervous and texted him the news..he called me right away and we spoke etc..spoke for about an hour about different things and at the end he said good luck and i said do you want to speak soon? and he said to let him know what goes on next week with the job and i asked but do you want to call me? and he said he would call.Unfortunately the phone i have dials numbers very very easily and when i grabbed it later that night at almost midnight (i guess i pushed something hard) i saw it dialing his number and i tried to end the call quickly but saw 2 seconds passed by..i texted him saying that was an accident, i hate this phone...but now i am wondering if he even got a missed call b/c sometimes there is lag when a phone starts to ring..does it look weird if he didn't receive that missed call and i texted him saying that was an accident, i hate this phone?i hope he doesnt think the message i sent before about the news regarding my job was a mistake or something and that i didn't mean to send it to him...this was hours later so i hope he knows i was referring to him possibly getting a call at that moment by mistake.
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female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (16 January 2010):
 You're trying too hard. He is going through a lot of issues right now and he needs his space. You've got to respect his request for space and give him time to get himself together.
Now is the time to back up and focus on what you need to do for yourself. Worry about your job and what you have going on in your life, and let him sort himself out. If you keep pushing for contact he will most likely push himself farther away from you.
Good luck.
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