A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been in what I think is an emotionally abusive relationship for months now and I can not bring myself out of it. I have lost all of my strength. I will try to keep this short......after months of being accused of being unfaithful, after months of having to keep receipts, bring the phone to the bathroom, having to show my inboxes for email accounts, for having my phone monitored, for months of being called a wh*re, of being told derogatory things about my genitalia; after months of being patient while the pleading for understanding came from him for me to give him time to deal with his depression, I have officially gone crazy. Before we went out tonight, I was looking at salsa classes online and he thinks that I looked at the male instructor because I saw that it was a male - rather than because it was the first open class taht I saw that he and I could take together...I got unreasonably upset and started shouting like a madwoman. We went to a friend's fundraiser and while I was saying goodbye to her parents apparently I looked to my left. When I sat down, he did not speak to me, except to ask me if 'that guy' i looked at was attractive. I did not look at anyone. I got upset again and I was unhappy for the rest of the night. We went out for drinks and I was on the verge of tears the entire time. I have never been unfaithful, I have never even ventured a sexual glance at anyone but my boyfriend because I love him dearly - and I fell for him before any of this started. He breaks up with me every two days and when I pack mythings, he tells me that I am the one abandoning the relationship 'just like [my] mother who leaves relationships when she is bored' (because she is now getting divorced). Tonight I reached my all time low thus far. We were at the bar and I did not (and no longer like to) drink. He went to the washroom, so I checked my phone because I had felt it vibrate. When he returned, he said that the table of men was looking at me and I commented that I had not even noticed because I was looking at my phone. He goes on to say that I was raising my voice so that the men at the next table (who were apparently looking at me) would see that I am 'cool' and that I am too American and that the love that I give is not good enough which is why I have been cheated on in the past and why I was left by my ex. Mind you, twenty minutes prior, he was telling me that he wants me to have his children and for us to get married because I am the love of his life. When he told me that my love was not good enough, I got up and left the bar to come home. I had been crying so hard in the taxi that when I got home I did not know what to do with myself. I went to the bathroom and made two small cuts on my ankle and realized that it made me stop crying and that the pain I was feeling from the cuts was less than what I was feeling inside because of his constant abuse but that it was a good distraction. He came home ten minutes later and I was on the bed, quietly watching tv. He started asking me where I had been and what took me so long to get home and who i was with - even after I told him after the first time asking that I was in a taxi on my way home, myeyes were/are swollen shut because I have been crying and I look like a corpse - completely dead inside and out. He told me to leave the apartment first thing in the morning because "how could [he] know what I was really doing", so I went back into the bathroom and saw the scissors again and made some more small cuts. This is not me, this should not be anyone, this is not healthy and I am not suicidal but the pain takes my mind away from the emptiness inside and reminds me that I am real and that I am in control of my Life, which only makes me more frustrated because I feel incapable of doing anything about this. He tells me that women would pay to be with him and always tells me that his exes are contacting him to be with him again and taht he feels bad treating me like shit but that I deserve it for the way I treat him and how I get crazy when he asks (accuses) me questions. i have seen a therapist (two weeks ago) and he continuously told me to "take prozac and go to sleep" and that he hoped my 'Life doctor would help [me] since [i] am crazy'Is the craziness really me? Am I really going crazy for no reason and being defensive prematurely? Please advise, really really really in need of words right now...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): You seem to be in a Guantánamo Bay relationship. Just a while ago, I read an iteresting article on a website on how being sexually abused as a child makes that person really bad at relationships as an adult. You can read more about it on; http://addictions.about.com/od/sexaddiction/tp/sexualabuse.htmRegardless of whether this may be true or no in your partner's case, what is important is, to realise and accept the facts of the circumstances in front of us. Any relationship has to be mutually pleasing and supporting. Obviously this is not the case. YOu have been pushed over the edge and beyond into depression to the extent that you hurt yourself. This is damn serious girl. You like everyone else deserves to lead a happy and peaceful life, you cannot be in a prison of a relationhip which only causes you hurt.Please move on asap, the guy does not deserve you. And there is no need for you to be insecure about losing this guy to anyother women, if they are his EX, you know the reasons why they have left him in te first place.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): Oh my god you poor thing, i am hoping that you still have a good relationship with your mom... speak to her, just tell her the lot... knowing people are behind you for emotional support will help and give you the strength that has been gradually taken away from you, leave your partner, you deserve so much better if he has issues with thrust and other things he needs the professional help not you...he wont change, no matter how much he tells you he will, you need and deserve to be healthy and happy any other relationship comes second. Please put yourself first and look after yourself xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): You recognize it. Now, you will either leave or stay. That's really it.
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