A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My cousins husband is from iraq. He is a failed asylum seeker and is now in prison as he was violent and abusive towards her. my cousin has stood by him as he begged her not to leave him. The home office want to deport him and if they can deport him he has told my cousin he wants her to go and live with him there. We are all very scared about this. How can we make her understand he could hurt her over there?
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (11 October 2013):
 Your dear cousin has an opportunity to escape this abuse. But she may not see the situation as outsiders see it. This she may need some on-going support before she can face cutting all ties with this abuser.
If she has children with this abuser she definitely should not ever contemplate re-uniting with this abuser. For when a child has to witness domestic abuse, then that is a form of violence against the child. It's frightening for a child. And sadly it sometimes results in some badly affected children becoming abusers themselves, when they grow up, since they grew up thinking domestic abuse is normal and acceptable.
Domestic Abuse is Never acceptable.
If she thinks things have been bad sometimes in the UK then Iraq will be her worst nightmare.
It is time she stopped contact with him in jail. Tell the jail that you are cutting all contact.
Let him be deported it will be the best thing for her and may safeguard her life.
No excuse is sufficient to excuse domestic violence.
Perhaps she needs to talk to a counsellor to understand just how much she has suffered already.
Domestic Violence is the Norm in many homes in Iraq:
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/mar/17/iraq-10-years-on-womens-rights-activist
There is increasing Domestic violence in Iraq:
http://www.irinnews.org/report/22380/iraq-focus-on-increasing-domestic-violence
I agree with everyone who suggested watching the film "Not without my daughter"
Honour Killings are also common in Iraq if family feel a woman has negatively affected the honour of the family then the family will often come to murder the woman. And the community will applaud the abusers.
Domestic Abuse should never be excused nor tolerated
You mention the Home Office and your flag is for the UK so I hope I am correct in assuming that your cousin is also in the United Kingdom? So below is a UK 24/7 Domestic Violence Help line for victims of violence:
This one is in the United Kingdom
0808 2000 247
Free phone 24 hr National Domestic Violence Helpline
For her own safety she should cease all contact with him. Because a proportion of all domestic violence victims are murdered by their ex after they leave their ex.
If she has children and she takes them to Iraq she may never be able to take them back to the UK because her husband simply will not let her.
If she has children born to her in Iraq they will have to stay in Iraq if she ever tries to leave her husband.
Give her support but suggest that she get even more support for her as it sounds like she does not fully understand how much her has undermined her, beaten her and abused her.
Going back to him? It is not worth the risk.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 October 2013):
 Definitely have your cousin watch Not Without My Daughter. He really must have broken her down if he beats the crap out of her, yet she still wants to be with him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 October 2013):
 The first thing that popped into my mind was, the book "Not Without My Daughter" by Betty Mahmoody - of course this happened over 20 years ago and is about marriage between an Iranian man and American woman.
Have her call
U.S. Passport Service Guide
1321 Upland Dr, PMB #2610
Houston, TX 77043
Passport Information: (877)487-2778
Business Office:281-436-7044
877-778-6986
OR
http://www.travel.state.gov/
And find out the rules for her moving there. And, if she loses her status as an American Citizen (IN Iraq) since she is the WIFE of an Iraqi man. They have VERY different rules then the US does.
If her husband is violent and abusive here in the States, does she really think he is going to be any different in his OWN country?
All you can do is support her and hope she will make the right decision.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 October 2013):
 Find the movie "Not Without My Daughter" starring Sally Fields and have your cousin watch it. Google Women's Rights in Iraq and email all the information to your cousin. You can't MAKE her understand the danger she faces if she were to go to Iraq with an abusive husband but at least you can try to give her as much info as possible. I hope for her sake she realizes that it would be a terrible mistake.
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