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writes:Are their any abusers willing to tell the truth about why they want to hurt people they claim to love, and are their any abusers or batterers who want to stop but don't know where to get help, or if you have recieved help anywhere did it help you. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): Well...luckily I haven't abused anyone aside from a few nasty conversations and maybe an animal as a kid, but I definitely have the potential to be a really bad partner. We don't feel empathy or think while we abuse. Generally, there is some kind of anger, resentment, sadness, etc... Also, I guess I liked seeing suffering...when you feel tortured all day long, you want someone else to feel the same,and to feel a connection with them, pathetic as I was... The cure, I guess, might be depression and loneliness and subsequent healing and learning to live without those nasty emotions? Sorry...that's not very useful...just being honest...and only a few googlers will even read this...
now i'm learning to be a happy person! woohoo!
and...I really hope the op is ok...
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): Yeh, Emilyanswers is right in my opinion. Once someone realises they can get away with something like domestic violence, its only going to get worse. They're more likely to do it, (knowing that there are no significant consequences), and they'll respect you less and less each time they get away with it.
I don't think anybody is going to admit to being an abuser, maybe because they justify it in their mind that somehow the person deserved it and therefore it wasn't really all that wrong.
I've met my fair share of characters, but I can't say I know of anyone who actually WANTS to hurt the person they love. They may be frustrated, feel out of control, jealous or any other reason, but they don't WANT to hurt their lover, that's just a consequence of their own self-centered nature. They may just feel that they can't control the situation that they're in and when its a disagreement between a man and a woman, a physical fight I guess could be seen as an "I win" button in many cases.
If someone is hurting you, please either get away from them or give them an ultimatum that the next time it happens you will move out/call the cops/divorce/stay at a friends indefinately, etc. But you absolutely MUST follow through with the consequence, I can't stress that enough.
Best of luck :)
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reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (5 March 2010):
 I was wondering if there would be any takers on this question. The trouble is that abusers don't see themselves as abusers. Perhaps a former abuser might step up.
I heard a conversation with an abusive man secondhand and his reasons would chill your blood.
FA
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reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (5 March 2010):
I know you are here hoping for someone to say "It's because I love you so much and am a scared little boy inside. All I need is the right kind of cuddle and I'll suddenly be good to you."
It's not going to happen.
If he's hurting you then leave. Once this kind of thing starts, it only ever gets worse. He will never change while you stay with him.
2 women a week die in the UK from domestic violence.
Please don't think there is a magic word to make him stop.
Good Luck!! xx
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