A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm twenty three years old and am really shy and self conscious I'm with my first ever boyfriend becsause I was abused for a number off years and was controlled by my abuser ex. my boyfreind knows what have been through and has been really understanding, the thing is when I try to get physical with him I find it a little hard to relax. one because I feel like I'm off to be rubbish at what I do and one because I use to switch off to my abuser ex. I want to get a little physical with my boyfriend sexually but would know where to start or what to do I feel like I'm so naïve when it come to stuff like that even thought I was abused the abuser always abused me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI told my bf out I was feeling and how I don't feel ready for sex yet for him to say he willing to wait untill am ready he not off to put any pressure on me because he don't want to hurt me or have any regreats and he said we will get their in are own time x just thought you should all know and want to thank you for helping me xxx
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (26 June 2011):
 You may want to talk specifically with someone who specializes in sex therapy..to help your mind retrain and rethink that being sexual with your bf is safe.
Do not push yourself and go slow. Sounds like he is understanding and loving about it. Take one thing at a time.
One day at a time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was sexually abused by a realtion my bf know already and understanding but he doesn't know how bad it was for me he said that when am ready to talk he be their and he wait for anything to happen when am ready x I was raped and touched inappritoly exposed to and inappriote stuff said to me by the relaitive when I found out it been haPpening to my sis to i attimed to my mum what had been going on and the police got involved and the abuser took the cowards way out and killed himself x have had coucilling but I still finding that side hard with getting physical with my bf x
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (25 June 2011):
I am so sorry you were abused by a relative.
It sounds like your heart is saying you want to be intimate with your bf, but your body still remembers the past.
Did you ever have counseling for the abuse? This is VERY important if you were raped. A special counselor can guide you how to have healthy sexual relationships again.
Again, talk to your bf. You want him to be understanding about your fears.
Best Wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt was a typeing error I was abused be a relation but am now with my first boyfreind
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (23 June 2011):
Talk to your bf! Let him know that your past experiences were abusive. Let your bf know you want to be closer to him, but feel nervous.
Question: How can you BE with your first ever boyfriend and have an abusive ex boyfriend?
Were you sexually abused by the ex?
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