A
female
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anonymous
writes:I was abused when I was 6 years old. The thing is, it was done to me by a woman. I told my boyfriend about the abuse (as there were certain things I don't like doing because of what happened to me) and he automatically assumed it was a man that had done it. I didn't put him straight, I was too embarrassed.I suppose I have 2 questions really:1) can a woman sexually abuse another female?2) should I tell my boyfriend the truth or will he think I'm disgusting and crazy?Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (8 June 2006):
 I'm so sorry about the way you were hurt, but yes, women *can* abuse kids, and NO, you're not "disgusting and crazy".
The stats for physical abuse of children by women are heavily skewed toward men (something on the order of 50:1), but sadly, women DO abuse children sometimes and the hurt caused to the child is no less severe because of who inflicted it!
You need to talk with someone about what happened when you were a kid, because the pain and shame that go with being abused by anyone don't go away by themselves. As you're discovering, being touched, even by someone you care for, can dredge up the fear and disgust you felt as a child, and that can harm your relationships today.
Sexual abuse by an adult (never mind the sex of the person) is such a misuse of power that the child victim can't properly get angry at the abuser, due to fear. One result can be that the victim turns the fear and hate inward, with the result that *you* feel "crazy" and "disgusting" because of a terrible thing that was done to you. It would be helpful to you to work through that, so you can see how illogical it is to blame your 6-year-old self for being hurt by an adult!
You've survived what happened to you, but it doesn't sound like you've recovered from it. It was an awful abuse if it's still echoing in your mind today, so please consider a bit of therapy with a professional who understands survivors of child abuse. Your GP might be able to suggest a referral, or check "mental health" in the phone book.
In answer to your second question, I'd leave off telling your boyfriend any more details about your abuse until you feel comfortable telling him. You write that you're "embarrassed", but remember that you didn't have any choice in the matter when it happened. You were only a kid and the woman that hurt you had all the power.
I hope this is some help.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2006): hey anonimous, this hurt may of been caused by a female but it is still classed as sexual abuse. she has rapd you if she has tried to put you under any pressure that you didnt want to be under. you should tel your boyfriend as you have nothing to be ashamed of and you need to tell some one. this lady has done something not nice to you and she needs to be punished for it. you are a victim and it is nothing to be ashamed of. good luck hun all the best xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, sibaan +, writes (8 June 2006):
 anyone of any sex can sexually abuse someone. i believe you should tell him everything and then maybe he can help you over come that. abuse is one of those terrible things in life that leaves perminant scares and im sure your boyfriend will be understanding and supportive.
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