A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i found out i was pregnant 3 weeks after my boy friend and i broke up. but is decided to call him and let him know about the pregnancy and he told me to abort it.i dont feel like aborting this child and i dont want to be a single mum please help what can i do.am in a dilema what can i choose? abortion or single mum
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010): If you want an option that won't leave you questioning yourself and emotiomally shell-shocked for a long time, then don't get pregnant. Right now you have 3 choices and none of them are easy & painless.
I would definitely vote to abort it if you're only a few months into the pregnancy. Nobody likes the idea of an abortion but this is real life and the endings aren't always happy just because you want them to be.
If your boyfriend is not on board now then DO NOT expect him to change just because you have a child with him. Don't expect it to save the relationship, and don't expect it to make him grow up & help you out. A year from now he will still be more or less the same person he is now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010): I am in a similar boat - i'm pregnant and single, found out after we had broken up and he wanted nothing to do with me and the kiddo growing within. I was really tempted by abortion, really really, as i knew raising a kid was gonna be one of the hardest most difficult things i would ever have to do and perhaps one day i would regret becoming a mum so young. But after a lot of thought and talks with my mum i realised something, i'd regret more the abortion and the what ifs then actually going through with the birth and raising a kid on my own. Sure, it is gonna be hard but for me personally, abortion would have been harder. It may have been the easy simple solution in the easly stages but as time past i would have felt horrible about it ... i know me well enough to know that. I decided to chose the "easy" option in a sense and keep the baby, the baby i could live with and put up with and grow to love ... the abortion, i couldn't as it would have left me in my own personal hell. I'm not 7 months pregnant and really happy with my decision ... it also helps that i am not alone, there may be no father in the picture but my family are standing with me all the way, i am so grateful and feel so supported. I am not alone and i am really happy, its gonna be hard but for me the harder decision would have NOT been to keep my baby. Do what YOU can live with is all i suggest and try to see what support networks you have in lace should you decide to raise this baby too.
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A
female
reader, romany  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 Ok, big confession coming up.......I had an abortion 8 years ago, and I can swear that not a day has gone by that i've not thought about it, I had 3 teenagers at the time, one foster child, with loads of problems, and my own two, I'd been seperated from my husband for 18 months, and the relationship i was in was with a guy, who gave me the same answer you had. I dumped him and was gonna go thru with the pregnancy, however, i had some major problems come up with my teens, and I found in my emotional state I really couldn't cope, and so i went and had an abortion.
I regret it, i look at my life now, and i think, i would have been ok, yeah first year would have tough, but i'd have got thru it, and I truly believe i made the biggest mistake ever.
Abortion seems such an easy decision in the early days, because one is so emotionally overwhelmed by the prospects, but please think about it, weight up the other options, like being a single parent, or adoption.
Whatever you decide, i wish you luck. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): abort it.....
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A
male
reader, UncleHarris +, writes (21 June 2010):
 What a despicable excuse for a gentleman!
Flower, do not allow this ex-boyfriend of yours to influence your decision with his attempt at dominating the choice you make. You may find that in the future his views may alter and he'll want more to do with his child, however you you absolutely must not bank on this. If you chose to abort the child, you must prepare yourself mentally for the challenges that come with this decision.
If you chose to put the child up for adoption, it may seem like an easy option right now, but will you thank yourself for it when the child reaches certain benchmarks in age? I.e the teens, adulthood, etc.
And if you decide to keep the child, you must be prepared for the financial burden that this will be upon you, and also the emotional stress that will come from potentially raising a child on your own
These may sound like harsh realities, but whichever one you chose, there will be happy conclusions to them as well.
If you abort the child, you know that you can start again without any responsibility, and that when you really do meet Mr Right, you will be able to start a happy family.
If you give the child for adoption, you will be able to continue with your life with a lot less responsibility, but also with a lot less possible guilt, depending what your opinion of abortion is.
And if you keep the child... well, you will be rewarded every time you see it smile.
These are just a few of the pro's and cons. Just remember that whatever you decide, friends and family will be close by to help, but it will be worth for you to draw up each option, and write down as many pro's and cons as possible for each one.
Whichever section has the most pro's and the least cons... well, good luck anyway pet, and keep us all informed :)
Uncle
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): Single mother, anytime.
or as some suggested, Adoption is perfectly fine. it guarantees better outcomes than abortion.
keep the faith!! you're not the first nor the last. but spare the kid, he/she'll be grateful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): Adoption?? Thatsounds like the best option to be fair.
Don't let him decide you are the one that will be inconveniences by him!! I know he will be the father butyou are being greatly affected so you should choose what to do.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (21 June 2010):
 I know one mother who gave birth to a baby with some severe issues; she was in a stable marriage and she found she just couldn't cope with it. It was killing her. She wound up giving that child up for adoption; it was an open adoption, so she knows where the child is and is able to keep up with the child. She also went on to have two more children and the marriage has only strengthened, from what I observe.
I know another couple who adopted a child because they wanted another one but a second pregnancy wasn't an option.
There are all kinds of permutations of family these days; I'm not sure I'm in a position to judge anyone or even suggest a direction. I guess I'm just trying to say that you have more options than you realize.
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A
female
reader, wordsoffaith +, writes (21 June 2010):
 I am a single mom; I had my son when I was 19 years old. I was almost in the same situation as you. When he found out that I was pregnant, he blamed everything on me, and his whole family said that I had to have an abortion, but I knew that I could not live the rest of my life knowing that I had done something like that. I was strong enough, with the help of my family and friends, to have my son and I'm glad that I did. I do go to college now and have an Associate Degree, working on my Bachelor. It's hard but you have other options other than abortion, like the others said Adoption. Think about it carefully! I wish you the best!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): and tisha is right ...there is a third option...
and no one can make the choice for you. what would work for me, may not work for everyone. what ever you choose you should try to have friends and family there for support if possible. none of these is an easy choice...they each come with a long term price tag...however you will have to chose one. keep us posted and good luck with whatever you decide. mal
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 June 2010):
You left out one choice that might be the best for the baby. Adoption.
So with three options open to you, you have to decide what is the one you'll be most content and at peace with in 20 years time.
No one can tell you what is right for you; you have to decide for yourself.
One of my good friends got pregnant via a one-night stand and had no relationship with the father and she was still finishing her schooling. She elected to abort and has since gone on to be a wonderful mother to two beautiful children in a stable marriage. She made the choice that was right for her then and I think she has been able to go on and live with her decision without any major problems.
I have no idea what I would do if faced with your dilemma; but I think I would be talking to my very close friends and family for support and help in this.
I hope everything works out for you. Best wishes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): which one of these choices is the one you can live with for the rest of your life? honestly i have not been in your shoes, but i know that i would not be able to look myself in the mirror if i aborted. thats my opinion...i cannot tell you what to do and there are those who will tell you how irresponsible it is to raise a child...but all thru history some of our greatest leaders were products of single mothers. the choice is yours and the aunts here will support you whatever you choose...keep us posted, big hugs, mal
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