A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When I first my boyfriend, he would rant on and on to me about his ex, calling her a psycho.I felt it was okay, since we were just friends.Overtime we started to develop feelings for each other.He asked me out, but I always had that weird feeling in the back of my head. He told me at one point she contacted him and wanted to get back together with him, he stated that he did not want to be with her.More fighting, more suspicion. I accused him of things, we fought, we fought.He tells me she contacts him yet again, he says no again but still does not tell her about me. Why?I asked if he still cared about her, his answer, no.I asked if he still wanted to be friends with her, his answer no.At times his answers changed, to not really and that he was indifferent. He said he would be courteous to people when they contacted him and reply even if he does not like them.I asked him to tell her about me, and he did it.Only to badmouth me in the process, some things Im sure was said out of anger and frustration and others I have no idea. We had a huge fight, he stormed out and said he wouldnt give a crap if I walked out on him because he is sick of all my questions and mistrust. I feel as if he has already given up on us, and has already confided his feelings to her.This weekend was my birthday, he kindly remembered and emailed me wishing me a good one and telling me he loved me.I do not know what to believe at this point.I know my nagging was wrong, but why did he keep me a secret if he did not care about her anymore?And why did he bad mouth me so hurtfully?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (21 June 2010):
 Your boyfriend wished you 'happy birthday' by email...it says all you need to know about this relationship. I would say you need to learn a lesson about future relationships from this man. Your initial contact with him included reference to a psycho ex. She may have been psychotic, but perhaps not, and maybe he drove her nuts. If you don't know her then he could just be telling you this to patch up his own shortcomings when dealing with relationships, rejection and everything in-between. There seems to be a pattern with him, he called her a psycho and you know he has been saying nasty things about you. Therefore who has the problem? The women in his life, or him?
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