A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for 12 years. During that time he has never complimented me or shown much attraction to me. Actually he has made negative comments about my looks, like my breasts arent perky or my skin has scars from pregnancies etc However he has always had an eye for women and porn. He has told me these women are his ideal 'looks wise'.I have been told by others Im attractive and I feel that I am however, I really dont feel desired by him. Even when we have sex it seems his mind is elsewhere. I feel my need to feel desired is at least as strong as his desire for sex. I simply cant imagine how he would cope if we had never had sex in our marriage.Yet it seems I have to accept that I will never recieve a compliment or experience the desire he has written all over his face for other women.Ive tried talking to him about this and he just shuts me down. Is it even worth me staying in this marriage or should I resign myself to the fact that I should be an old spinster.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (24 February 2010):
 Your husband is emotionally abusive... You need to find a way to cut him out of your life, emotionally. Don't try so hard to please him, start pleasing yourself. Personally I would stop the sex until he learned to treat me better.
People treat us the way we allow ourselves to be treated. Start making you happy, when he's rude, then stand up for yourself and tell him off. Make him know that you will no longer put up with his rude comments, and you'll no longer allow him to put you down. Start finding hobbies outside the house, go out with your mates, go to the gym. Make a single life within the marriage without him. Spend more money on yourself instead of the household. Buy a new dress, go to the hairdressers, spend the day in the spar.. If you've got kids ask one of your family members to babysit, while you take the day off. Stop cooking, cleaning or washing for him, he dosen't deserve it. Take back your power, he dosen't act like a husband, so he dosen't deserve a proper wife.
I'm guessing, once he see's how serious you are, and he notices the negative changes in his life, and the positive changes in yours, he'll be a lot more considerate of you and your feelings.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): A marriage is always worth fighting for, or you should at least try.
He is really effecting you confidence, next time he says something that is not nice about your body, take him to task. Talk to him again about how is making you feeling and do not let him shut you down, stand up for yourself.
You have to do things as well, to help your confidence, do whatever makes you feel good about yourself and make yourself feel pretty.
You are having sex, so he does desire you, remember that.
You have said that others find you attractive, so why would you think that you should resign yourself to being an old spinster, which you can't be because you are already married.
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