A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend goes out at the weekend with his mates an always ends up at one of there houses after to carry the night on. He eneds up rolling in at silly times the next morning,he knows im not happy with it but he still dose it. last night he gets a call on his mobile, when i answer it a woman starts telling me things about what she as done with him an where. he,s said its all lies and its someone trying to cause trouble. I just dont know who to believe. please please help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, elsie +, writes (16 April 2007):
 i dont know of any woman that would put herself in a dangerous position as this.only guessing but she probably feels aggreived perhaps after a night of boozing herself and feels like your bloke used her.maybe they ahd a one-night stand and she wanted more?who know?theres definetly more to it.you have to have this out with her.but please be very careful and be prepared to hear the worst and ultimately you also need proof.she got his number so that strange in the first place.the fact hes out boozing say it all really?where do you come in all of this mess???
A
female
reader, cherri sparkle +, writes (10 April 2007):
ring the girl!!! men will always lie when they are upto no good its naturally in their dna to lie. at the end of the day if hes nothing to hide then it wont matter to him and if on the other hand this woman is just trying to cause trouble then you get the chance to confront her. either way you will be able to put these feelings to rest being in limbo like this is worse than any truth cos it will just eat away at you and destroy the relationship anyway even if your man has done anything or notgood luck xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): Not knowing who to believe is saying 'a lot' about the level of trust here. So why don't you just believe him, dear-when he denies knowing this female on the phone? Do you have a reason not to? You have a bf you love very much and you know him best so I think the most important thing for you to do is ask yourself--- has your bf ever shown a propensity for lying and deception at other times, in the history of your relationship, with him? If you say yes, then you have a problem because that means he has not been honest and consistent over time, in this relationship. Then you may have to accept he is the one, who is lying to you. I also have to point out, that weekend partying with one's friends, all the time, is clearly not a caring thing to do when he knows how much it upsets you. You two are in a committed relationship, so why aren't "your best interests" in the forefront of his mind? And why are you allowing this? It's clear to see, that the trust is greatly shaken in this relationship because of the lack of boundaries and his unthinking behaviours. Time alone will not restore trust. His consistent, good, caring behavior over time is what really will do the job. Accept that you may never know the truth of whom is telling you the truth here.
All in all, right now, the only place you can look for trust is within yourself and your gut instincts. You need to see things from a whole, new and different perspective-that you are in control of. Taking responsibility for one's own happiness is the highest and healthiest way to live. Trying to make others do that for you is the lowest. You deserve better than this. So assess, discern and come to the realization, that you are worthy of anyone's fidelity, their attentions, their affections and putting you best interests above their own. If he's not doing this, completely understand that you've simply made a mistake in your belief of who he is, and you can move on to find someone that 'does' meet it, with you head high, and your self-esteem intact.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): Why doesn't your boyfriend go out with you at the weekends? Guys in committed relationships don't regularly go missing with their mates and roll in at silly times unless they are up to other things. I'd say there's no smoke without fire and unless this women is completely deranged then your boyfriend is not being faithful to you.
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A
female
reader, Dr.philina  +, writes (10 April 2007):
Well she called on his mobile and seemed to know him so thats a warning sign plus he goes out with his mates a lot so he has lots of opportunities to cheat on you .this is a decision you have to make urself.gudluck
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