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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I've been with my b/f for 3 years and just found a text from a woman saying she misses him too. I questioned him and he said its nothing just someone he's helping find a job. He says she's nothing and not to worry about it.I said why would you tell some woman you miss her and he says he doesnt know why he did it. He swears he has done nothing with her and not cheated on me. I told him we were done and he said he'd fix it which he said he did, told her about me and made it clear they are only friends. I've never not trusted him until now. One part of me says give him another chance the other part of me says run. I don't know if I can ever trust him again without always wondering is he cheating on me. He was upset and said we are going to grow old together and he's not letting me go but I think he already has. Anyone with any suggestions ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2016): I agree with Aunt Honesty.Your bf got caught and he was scrambling to come up with a lie you would believe. Man is he an expert deceiver, a smooth talker and master of deception. All cheaters ARE.And they wouldn't be able to pull it off without trusting souls like you. The women who love them so much they are choosing to bury their heads in the sand and accept their explanation because the truth is too painful.Well I would rather the truth destroys me now instead of learning he cheated on me down the road. Because chances are he already did. And by giving him a pass you are enabling him to keep on cheating. He will hook up with this girl again. Take my word on that. And from this point forward he will become better at hiding it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2016): It's a good job you found the message. It could have been a lot worse. It's a tough road losing trust but sticking with it. only you know if the relationship you have is worth that and the associated feelings of insecurity while things try to re-build.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 September 2016):
 He is playing you, he said it wasn't going anywhere with her, so are you okay with the fact that your boyfriend leads other women on? She is probably not the first either. I would rather be single than be with someone I know is capable of doing this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2016): He is up to no good.
He told another woman he misses her.
That is all you need.
It is obvious he is having an affair.
I would find out for sure. Just beware if you do contact the other woman, she may deny it all as she could be protective of him and not want to spill the beans in order for their affair to continue. So you won't know for sure. But having this text is pretty good evidence he is up to no good. Now it is up to you how to proceed. But I would definitely find a way to get the truth. Although for many women the text alone would be grounds for terminating the relationship, no more questions asked.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2016): So, we talked some more about the situation. He said he knew it was going to go no where....that maybe he just did it for the ego thing. He said he apologized to her and told her it was inappropriate what he said about missing her. He did say he thought how he'd feel if I did that and that he would be devastated as I was seeing the message. He says he knows this is fixable. I told him if i EVER saw or suspected anything that I wouldnt wait for any explanation. I'm sure i'll be watching...... Thank you for all the input.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2016): Unless it's his daughter or sibling or mom or a familial relationship of that nature, a man in a relationship should not be telling any woman that he misses her. Except for you. What he did is wrong and inappropriate. And you have every right to be suspicious and worried.
I would get to the bottom of it. Who is she? Where did he meet her? How does he know her? What is the extent of their relationship. Find out as much as you can. It's your right to know.
You are confused right now because you have evidence that something is amiss, eg them telling each other they miss each other, but he's telling you it's nothing to worry about. So your gut is pulling you one way and his words, or lack of admission of any wrongdoing, is pulling you another direction.
He's simply covering his tracks. Something is wrong and something happened or is happening. And you should find out for certain. And get all the facts. That way you can make an educated decision on what to do from here. With knowing all the facts he can no longer sway you one way or another. Because you'll know. And at that point it's up to you to decide what you will and won't stand for.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2016): Was there more text logs than just the one sentence "I miss you too"? Did he delete their text convo or did you not read more?
My advice would be to ask your boyfriend to show you his phone and let you read the text log he had with her. Then ask him to tell you the truth of how he met her, started texting, what happened etc etc. Then you should discuss boundaries of what you can and cannot accept. Then it will be up to you to decide whether you want to give it another chance and allow him to prove himself trust worthy. You too, will need to give him the fair chance to gain your trust back.
I suggest to avoid contacting the other woman. Because to me, this is an issue between you and your man. Her reply to HIS TEXT was "I miss you TOO", hence she is not the initiator. You should work this out with your man and not involve her. Because maybe she really doesn't know what's going on, it's not "her fault". Or let's say she's a bad one that tried to seduce your man, you don't want to confront her and give her the satisfaction of knowing that she caused even the slightest unhappiness between you and your man. You want her to know nothing, hear nothing. Just as long as he's not contacting her anymore, she didn't suceed in anything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2016): His explanation is not good enough. Hes brushing it under the carpet which in essence means your hurt feelings are brushed under the carpet too. I agree with Honeypie. I would call her and see what she has to say. If he wants to repair the damage he needs to put his cards on the table and tell you exactly what happened so that you can decide if you can accept his behaviour and reasoning behind it. He has a lot of making up to do but this cant start until you have the truth.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2016): Sounds iffy. I wouldn't want to be in the relationship unless he came completely clean. It's clear that he's still beating around the bush and not telling you the truth. But even if he did tell you the whole story, it remains to be seen if that is something that you are willing to work through and whether he can win back your trust.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 September 2016):
 I think you have to figure out what you NEED from him in order to start trusting again. And HE needs to be the one to DO the work to regain your trust. It's NOT just a matter of you "getting" over it.
Personally, I'd like to get her number and call her. Because it makes no sense that he doesn't know WHY he said I miss you to another woman in a text. You don't DO that to someone you have a superficial acquaintanceship and is helping to get a job. Let's face it. There IS a reason you are feeling the way you do. And that is because things aren't adding up.
So yes, it may not be totally Kosher... but I'd get the number of his phone and call her. After that... well, that depends, on that phonecall doesn't it?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2016): Facts are facts regardless of the BS he's trying to feed you.1. He has told a woman he misses her.2. He knows exactly why he did it.3. This means that he must have been at least texting or calling this woman on an emotional level.4. He has probably met her in person for him to tell her he misses her and for her to say that to him. There has to have been something going on, at the very least emotional cheating.5. He would never have told you about her if you hadn't seen the text.6. He lied to you by saying he didn't know why he did it. Of course he bloody well knows. He also lied to you when he met her/ hid his phone from you/ told her not to text him when he is with you etc etc What must have happened between them for them to have got close enough to say they miss each other? She can't be just a friend he misses because he's had to make it clear that they are just friends now. If it was me I would be out of there. Knowing that he's probably been with someone else even if it was just a drink and then lying to you about it. Could you be happy now? Sorry you're going through this x
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