A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a long distance relationship for the past couple of years. She has been the love of my life since 6th grade. We had a crush on each other for back in 8th grade but we drifted apart. Again, when I was in college, we started meeting, and we fell in love. I am in my penultimate year of college now. I study in singapore and she in India. I go back once every 4 months and stay there for over a month. We get along so well when we are together. We know we’re madly in love when we’re together. Time flies. We discuss our future, talk about marriage, kids. We have a healthy sexual relationship too. And when we are away, we still satisfy each other with a webcam and Skype. We have a long way ahead. I have to serve a bond here for 3 years. That means, we have to sustain this long distance relationship for another 4 years at least. We’ve had very few fights, most of which we have resolved after her not talking to me for sometime and then me apologizing and making up. She loves me a lot. I know. But, she sometimes regrets this. She is hurt often. The whole long distance thing is hard on her and on me too, but, very differently. She stays at home, so has her mom and sister to look out for too. They take up some of her time which reduces the time we spend online. I, on the other hand, stay away from home, and have all the time in the world. I have a group of friends who I meet and hang out with everyday. I also do an internship during day time. So, effectively, all my evenings are free. The problem starts when, she tells me she will come online at a certain time. She won’t turn up. I will be ok for sometime. Then, after an hour, I get impatient and give her calls. She wont pick them up because she is busy. All I want her to do is give me a call and tell me she’ll be late. I hate waiting. Not because I have an ego, but it kills me. I start expecting her, then I miss her, then I want her. Its really hard for me. The past week, it had been the worst. She was extremely busy with college events and friends and loads more and she forgot me completely. While, I was sitting in my room most of the time and missing her like crazy. I have no problems with her spending time away from me. I just want her to inform me so I don’t expect her and miss her. She never gets that. Yesterday, she was at home with friends, and I gave her a call to talk and she told me her friends would leave and that she will come online in a couple of hours. I was so happy that I was going to talk to her and see her after such a long time. 2 hours, she never came. 3, no. 4, no. 5, I got impatient. And I gave her a call. She didn’t mention a thing about being sorry for not turning up online. She said she will come online in a few minutes. 2 hours later, I get a message. Her sister has been hogging the comp and that she think we should break up because I keep whining all the time that I want to see her. I was heart broken. Breaking up with her is the last thing I want to do in this world. I love her more than anything. She came online in the night and we spoke. She spoke. I listened and kept uttering sorry every 2 seconds. She said a million nasty things about me. I took it all. And then she said “I want you to move out of my life”. Now, that I couldn’t take. I begged her to give things another shot and that im really sorry and that I’d change. After a lot of convincing, she said fine. Now I think we’re a little ok. I don’t know why the whole incident happened.To be honest, I want out too. But I can’t take the breaking up. I miss her so so much all the time that I don’t know what would happen to me if she every broke up with me. I wish I could erase her off my memory.Sometimes I feel, I am hanging on to her because of the sex or because I know I am not capable of getting another girl or falling in love all over again. I don’t know what to do. Please advice.But, she mentioned I was missing her so much only because I have no one close here to take up my time, like her family. I think it is true too. So, I am trying to do so many things in my free time so I don’t miss her. I ran 12 rounds around the 400m track yesterday to get over her. And yes, it did happen. So, im trying to keep myself occupied.How exactly does a long distance relationship work? Is it ok for us to not talk very often. Will I be able to sustain the relationship by just talking to her once a week. Will she forget me? A friend suggested giving our relationship a temporary break. What if she likes the break so much, she doesn’t want to get back? I am going back to India in a couple on months. I truly satisfy her when I am there. We have no fights, no quarrels, its like we’re a happy couple. I know it is the distance. I know I want to marry her. I want to make it work until the end. How should I handle things, so i don’t end up letting our relationship taking a toll on our individual lives and eventually breaking up?
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broke up, crush, fell in love, long distance Reply to this Question
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male
reader, maxi_enigma +, writes (9 March 2009):
 i think you should give her some space sometimes.though you are far away from her, but in a way u are always seeking her.the distance from the family is another factor too.and you are afraid too if u can fall in love with someone again, which is fair enough.sometimes put yourself in her shoes and try to see her point of view.and the next time you go to India make sure u make a good impression.try to convert the negatives to positives, may be the distance is testing your relation.sometimes distance makes the heart grow fonder.and sometimes do make her wait for you too(if u want to),if that makes feel even.you just need to have faith and keep trying.best of luck~
A
female
reader, bootyboot  +, writes (9 March 2009):
hmmm, it sounds like she is not respectful of your time, and maybe the Long distance is just too much work for her. i think you should take a break, see what happens. if she doesn't contact you again, then you know she is ready to move on.
here's another thing, you sound too desperate and she is definitely picking up on it, that's probably why she is distancing herself. you pleaded with her and begged and said 'i'm sorry' over and over again? why?! don't do that unless you've truly done something wrong like cheat on her or hit her. but she's the one who should have been apologizing. she disrespected you by showing up late or not at all for your Skype appointment. it's basically like showing up really late for a live date!
i think you are aware of why you are clinging to her so, because you are afraid to be alone. don't worry my friend, there are lots of people who feel that way, including myself. i held on to a relationship by tooth and nail because i couldn't stand to be on my own again. but after he left me, and i had some personal time, i got over it and focused on my life...and then met someone new a year later.
so take a break, step back, DO NOT be whiny, pleading, desperate or emotional with her because that only makes you look weak and women do not like weakness in men that way. Sure you can tell her's amazing and beautiful etc, but don't beg because that makes you look terrible. be a man, you deserve better.
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A
male
reader, Cowboy254 +, writes (9 March 2009):
Tell her how you feel man and it's ok to cry explain when you get there and tell her what your thinking work at it together. Hope that was a little helpful
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