A
female
age
26-29,
*mo Attack
writes:Okay I'm pretty new to this but something is really bugging me. There's this girl in my class she's a co op student. She looks at this girl in my. I got really moodie one day than I walked out of the class room. I call her by her nickname witch is Vici. So she came to she what was wrong with me because the day before I told her I was bi. She asked me what was bugging me I didn't say anything. Then she touched my leg. She started going up more I told her to stop but she said it was okay and that she was trying to relax me. I said you're 16 and I'm only 13 but she didn't reply she kept going up again I told her to stop but she did't. I didn't want to yell because we were in the hall. Anyways she touched me and I kind of liked it. What she did to me was it molestation? Or was it not because I liked it? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Mumknowsbest  +, writes (19 March 2008):
 At your age there will sometimes be inapropiate touching by your peers. Some times it goes a little further than your "no" permits. But most times even this stops before the molestation zone is breached. That is all that has happened so far. You werent molested and kept the situation under control and within your own personal boundaries. If the girl makes the same kind of advances again then it certainly could be harassment and possible molestation. If your more private areas are directly interfered without your consent with then this would be molestation. You are at a sexually curious age and mix this in with your hormones being all over the place at present it is easy to become confused as to what is actually happening. But you handled the situation very well, and that's good practice for your defences whenever anyone tries it on with you again boy or girl.
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (19 March 2008):
 YES. It was molestation. Just because you like the way something feels, doesn't mean it's not. That's like saying just cos someone orgasmed during a rape, it wasn't rape. Listen to Oprah-predators know that sexual things feel physically good, and they use this against the victim-to make them think that they wanted it, when in reality they didn't.
Report this bit**.
You have my condolences.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (19 March 2008):
 Yes it was. No that you felt something does not matter. What you have to remember here is that it was your mind saying,"no I am not ready". Not your body, it was just reacting to touches that years from now you might want to experience with the right person, but not right now, not with this person and not at this location.But your body don't know that. It just responded.Don't blame yourselve for being attacked. No, means NO. This time it stopped at touching you (I presume by the way you say it that it was your privates, direct or through your clothes) next time it might be more.Those quoting the law, the childs genitals were touched, that is illegal.
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A
male
reader, maverick +, writes (19 March 2008):
 I must disagree with "Ask oldersister".
I would like "Ask oldersister" to say this sentence "The fact HE didn't stop when you asked HIM is very rude and inconsiderate". If this was a male-female incident it would be treated more seriously - however a female-female incident must be treated the same way.
It doesn't matter who you tell your sexuality too. Or any of your preferences in any regard - that doesn't automatically count as a "come on" (if so implied by "Ask oldersister") or give anyone the right to touch you without permission.
Also, it is unfair for you to live you school life avoiding this girl.
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A
male
reader, maverick +, writes (19 March 2008):
I must disagree with "Ask oldersister".
I would like "Ask oldersister" to say this sentence "The fact HE didn't stop when you asked HIM is very rude and inconsiderate". If this was a male-female incident it would be treated more seriously - however a female-female incident must be treated the same way.
It doesn't matter who you tell your sexuality too. Or any of your preferences in any regard - that doesn't automatically count as a "come on" (if so implied by "Ask oldersister") or give anyone the right to touch you without permission.
Also, it is unfair for you to live you school life avoiding this girl.
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A
male
reader, maverick +, writes (19 March 2008):
Hello,
From what you say, she did touch you inappropriately - you asked her to stop and she did not. You say you wanted to yell and stop multiple times which shows this is not something you wanted. The touching was not consentual (done without permission). The feeling at the end is irrelevant, the action itself is illegal from what you describe (at least in the UK).
It maybe easier to think of another situation to put this into perspective - imagine you have taken money from somone's wallet to spend on a new digital camera. The means (or method) is still not right, even though at the end of it you will have a new camera to have fun with.
Or think of it as shoplifting food - even though you may enjoy eating the food after, the actions before were not right.
I notice you are from Canada - in the UK at 13 you are a minor and this would be illegal. No means no - and sadly I have seen news reports in local papers where male rapists have built a case based on "she enjoyed it though?".
Laws protecting minors, those under 16 (whether good, bad or useless in peoples opinions) are there to prevent young people being exposed to experiences which they may struggle to cope with as they may not have developed fully socially and/or emotionally. As much as I sound like a very old man, I know biological age isn't the best way to tell - but its the only system we've got.
The most important thing now, is that you begin to get a handle on how you feel about this. It is very easy for someone on the otherside of the planet to post messages on the internet, but what's more important is that you understand how feel and what your boundries are. It's not really until most people are out of high school they figure this out.
I would recommend speaking to your school counsellor (if you have one) - or I hope there are freephone charities available to talk to.
Enjoying from something that you disagree with, doesn't always make it right. Please post again, if there is anything else you would like to say or ask.
M
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