A
female
age
51-59,
*ooboo
writes:Hi I can relate to everything some of you say I met my partner 8 years ago at first although not frequent, sex was really good then four years ago he announced that he no longer wanted sex with me or any other woman I was a bit shocked but took on board what he said and like yoursrelfs the relationship to me was a lot more than sex. I am a young forty and for my age doing well I cant understand why he doesent want to touch me or even go near me not even for a close cuddle up yet will look at what I call gutter level women on porn sites, Like you say he deletes the history thats a dead give away and starts acting guilty for example a cuddle or kiss for no particular reason but being a woman we recognise guilty consience straight off so I know exactly when he has been looking.I once asked him if he mastubrated to these sites and of course he said NO It really upsets me but if I dare say anything he just kicks off saying about his privacy and im snooping in his life. There is no way I could ever compete with what he looks at women with very large chests mine are a 38d considered a fair size I thought but he doesnt go any where near me we sleep in the same bed but very rarely does he get close to me. It makes me feel so second rate like the other woman in a relationship the one who gets to cook clean and take care off him and nothing in return no love or affection. I have confided in a couple of my close friends and they say I should finish with him I deserve to be treated better but it's so hard, I love him so much he still makes me laugh and can be kind to me but I can't bear to think of him looking at porn when I am a willing bed partner, it makes me feel so angry and rejected and worthless any ideas what to do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): there is a web-site that will help you to understand this and relieve your mind of the questions and doubts about yourself, npsupport.net Porn addiction is a very real condition and your man is a classic case. he probably does love you and is just so in over his head with this addiction that he can't see his way out.......BTW, this is a chemical addiction and has nothing to do with how you look or sex, his penis is just his way to getting his next 'fix' of endorphines......it will all start making sense after you talk to the ladies at npsupport.net and reading some of the stories of the porn addicts that post there, and NO this is not normal behavior. It is becoming a very serious problem that is destroying relationships.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): You do need to move on from this relationship! I know that love is very strong, but in this particular case....you need to be treated better. To me, him looking at porn is not a crime, but to not touch, caress or be passionate with you is the crime. If he can no longer make love to you and it's not a medical reason...then you need to move on and find a man who will treat you like the blossoming flower that you are.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (19 March 2008):
 A lot of issues going on by the sounds of it.
Lets get the porn out of the way first, because it really is not important. Just accept that some men look at porn and that the looks of their partner have nothing to do with it.
Second, don't make the problem worse. Porn never gives the cold shoulder, is never angry and doesn't have to be flattered.
You say that when he does give you a hug or cuddle you feel he just has a guilty consience. Women feel that. Well men feel it when a woman rejects any advance. If you snarl everytime he comes close, he won't come close.
What you really need to look at is why he choose four years ago to stop having sex with you or ANY woman. Why the hell did you even accept it?
Is he impotent? Gay? A priest?
Did he chance his attitude towards you apart from the no-sex?
What confounds me is that you only think something is wrong now. A hetero male for no reason announces he no longer wants sex with his wife or any female and you get upset only four year later about some alleged porn?
What was your love life like before? Because about the only explenation I can think of is that he realized he was gay and had been forcing himself before. Wouldn't be the first time that happens, nor that the marriage continues because realizing women don't do it for you and coming out of the closet, saying to the entire world "I am gay" are two different things.
What happened four years ago.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (19 March 2008):
 I suggest couples counseling, which I doubt he'll be receptive to. But if he agrees, it might help him open up about his addiction and why he is no longer attracted to you. He is staying in your relationship because of the comfort of having someone to cook, clean and take care of him. If he refuses to get help for your relationship, then I would leave if I were you. I know it sounds drastic, but you really have no life with him, you are nothing more than his maid and his platonic companion. And you are too young to wither your life away without sex when there are so many men out there who would give you a fulfilling sex life, among other things. Your partner has a serious problem and unless he recognizes it and agrees to get help, you will not see change and you will miss out on so much. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (19 March 2008):
 Honey, This sounds like your man is addicted to porn. He is happy with himself and the porn scene, and he doesn't need anyone else to it. He is just lost in his own "sex" world. I don't really know what to tell you. I would understand, if he looked at porn and still had sex, but if he is watching porn and not wanting sex? I don't get it.Something in his mind is just wrong ... did you try talking to him about how you feel? Maybe you should tell him,that you are not happy and you are thinking of taking a break from him, because this is not the life you were dreaming off. That you feel just like a houswife not like a wife! I wish I could hlep more!Good luck
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