Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2016): I guess any thing that is 'pre' anything can only accurately be defined as having been such after that reference is consequentially confirmed as having happened.An engaged couple might believe that they are engaging in 'pre-marital sex' for many years. But if they broke up or simply never got married it wouldn't ever technically have been 'pre-marital'.Yet since we rarely use this phrase but for in the present moment it would be all but a redundant phrase if we split hairs over it's definition.An athiest couple or FWB with no intention ever to marry each other or anyone else might just as easily have a subsequent change of heart. Arguably this doesn't fundamentally change their previous acts, and they are unlikely to retrace any name by which they termed their 'pre-marital' or not relations at the time. We spend far more time concerned with present and future situations than we ever spend re-defining the techinicalities or our past. Personally I'd argue that any sex outside of either party being married is consequently as much 'pre-marital' as any other; and regardless of intentions. The phrase simple states that it is before any commitment has happened; irrespective of whether it ever eventually does happen. We can never guarantee what may or may not happen or change in the future, so by any other definition we could never use this phrase at all.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2016): if there no intention of being with that person as in sharing their life daily. You don't need to be married to live together or be focused on doing that. But if it's just sex with no commitment then it's basically a fwb situation .. I would say. Good Luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2016): Why worry if it is pre marital if you have no intention of marrying her. Hope that helps!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2016): To be honest, I only typically hear the word “premarital” used by groups of people who believe that people should marry and/or that you shouldn’t have sex before marriage.
Good Luck!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2016): Yes - what they are doing is absolutely by definition "pre-marital sex."Hope that Helps!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2016): It doesn't count as premarital sex unless you do it the night before the wedding!
Hope that helps!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2016): It's just called sex. Good luck! It depends on your meaaning of what it was Good Luck. Not really seeing the dilemma here. Good Luck!If you call it pre-marital.. Hope that helps then MARRIAGE is something that are in the card/future... good luck! since you say it's NOT in the cards/plans who call it pre-? Good luck!Then again people love calling things pre- this and that..Good luck! like "pre-heat" your oven.. why not just heat the oven? Hope that helps!
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (17 July 2016):
Yes - what they are doing is absolutely by definition "pre-marital sex."
There is sex with and without commitment, and there is sex with and without marriage. Marriage represents the ultimate degree of sexual, relationship, and financial commitment that our society currently offers. To wit, walking away from the relationship you describe would likely be a five minute affair. Walking away from a marriage is often a several month if not several year affair. Marriage is a different animal in so many respects over just a long-term committed relationship its hard to overstate it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2016): Pre-marital, marital, kinky, committed or any other label you care to give it......at least you're getting it .........Good luck.
Just thought I'd try to emulate your style of answer .......Good luck
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (17 July 2016):
If they are having sex and they aren’t married, then it is sex outside of marriage. Yes you could call it premarital I suppose, but that wouldn’t make much sense if there is no intention to marry. To be honest, I only typically hear the word “premarital” used by groups of people who believe that people should marry and/or that you shouldn’t have sex before marriage. IF you’re not bothered about getting married and don’t plan to, then who really cares what it’s called? It’s just sex outside of marriage: get on with it and be happy. If you intend to marry, any prior sex is, logically, premarital. The important question is what you believe to be the rights and wrongs when it comes to sex, and when you are ready and comfortable enough for it.
I wish you all the very best.
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (17 July 2016):
 Hmm an odd but interesting question. Obviously pre marital is sex before marriage but if there is no intent then I guess it should be simply labeled 'sex' or as I prefer 'living in sin'
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2016): It doesnt count as premarital sex unless you do it the night before the wedding!
With each other or someone else!The choice is yours!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2016): My dear sageoldguy you are quite right you do give brilliant advice and I look forward to reading them.I say why ask, just get on with the job at hand. Why worry if it is pre marrital if you have no intention of marrying her.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 July 2016):
 Silly man!
It's just called sex.
Not really seeing the dilemma here.
If you call it pre-marital.. then MARRIAGE is something that are in the card/future... since you say it's NOT in the cards/plans who call it pre-?
Then again Americans love calling things pre- this and that.. like "pre-heat" your oven.. why not just heat the oven?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 July 2016):
 okay why does someone your age even ask this "brilliantly" stupid question?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2016): it may sound like an enigma - mysterious and difficult to understand.but it is just sex. Plain and simple.All sex does not have to lead to marriage.Just as all sex does not have to lead to a pregnancy.And will not lead to a pregnancy if one party is unable to be the one contributing to a pregnancy (infertile etc)Lots of sex is just for fun.As long as it is not cheating then 'Carpe diem'Seize the day and enjoy.Pre-marital sex implies an intention to one day marry - someone, anyone, or hopefully the one the lover is with now, if all works out well.You can love the one you are with, as Fleetwood Mac once suggested.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 July 2016):
 If they have no intention to marry each other, but would like to in the future, to somebody else, it's still premarital sex. But if they are both so against the idea of marriage, or they have a crystal ball telling them they would never ever get married, then the term doesn't apply to them. Even the most gung ho anti marriage person can surprise himself or family members. Many don't like the idea that we are all supposed to get married one day, but you never know as you can't predict the future.
Like the "if a man is alone in the forest . . " philosophy and quote, moral judgment is only relative. Sex without marriage can be called fornication if you are religious. If you are not, then you are just living and doing the natural thing.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2016): I would consider them as engaging in "extra-marital sex," meaning sex outside the institution of marriage with no implication that one or both are married to others.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2016): No if there no intention of being with that person as in sharing their life daily. You don't need to be married to live together or be focused on doing that . But if it's just sex with no commitment then it's basically a fwb situation .. I would say ..
Hope that helps ..
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