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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: HiI was looking throug the questions. I thought maybe there will be an answer to my question. This way I got half of my answer, but not the whole one.Emilysanswers wrote in one of her answers: "Scientists have proved that the feeling of "love" lasts approximately 3 years and I believe them. Just have a look at how many questions there are on here saying "I love my girlfriend / boyfriend. We've been together 2.5 - 3 years. But now I am unsure and looking at other people!!!"My bf and my are dating over 4 years. I am not really looking at other men, but the love has somehow gone. I mean, the feeling of beeing in love disappeared. I still like to be with my boyfriend. I like to talk to him, to spend time with him and so on, but there are no butterflies. Last week I was on a business trip, but I did not really miss him. Is that normal?I am thinking about marriage, but this makes me think. Or is it just what people call "love" in contrast to "in love" in the terms of "enamoured"?Did anyone of you experience the same? How do you deal with this?I also like to read Emilysanswers answer.Thanks everyone! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, BigSis  +, writes (15 October 2008):
 After both of us were madly in love with each other for almost 14 years, my ex and I split last year.
Even after all those years I still got butterflies in the pit of my stomach whenever I saw his name come up on my phone - I loved him so much, but within a few weeks my love for him faded...just like that!
You see something happened, that made me suddenly realise I couldn't be with him anymore. {I wont go in to detail}.
I broke his heart, big time, when I broke off our relationship... and just to let you know, there was no other man involved. I fell out of love with him in a matter of weeks.
I'm sure deep down in your heart you must know whether you want to spend the rest of your life with him or not. You can't go marrying him if you just love him, you have to be IN LOVE with each other, to make this work.
{Mind you, we were in love and it didn't work, but there's a perfectly good reason why, in my case}
I asked another woman this, quite a while back:
Are you in love with him? If you said 'yes' straight away and without hesitating your answer, then it must mean you are.
If there was even a hint of a hesitant reply to my question, then that tells me you're not in love with him, but you just 'love him'.
To 'love' someone and to be 'in love' with someone are two completely different things.
I hope it all works out for the best, good luck.
BigSis
xXx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): I've been married for 8 years and was dating my husband for 4 yrs before that.I still haven't fallen out of love yet.But you know with time, some things surely change because you start taking each other for granted.Maybe you just need to do something to find out if the spark is still there between the two of you.Try writing a love letter.If you can't even write a line then yes, you aren't in love anymore...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): I've been with my boyfriend for just under 5 years and I still get butterflies in my stomach when I think of him. I'm not sure how long the feelings last 'scientifically' but I can say that I am probably more in love with him than I was in the beginning- it has faded from time to time (like if we are in a rough patch) but overall the giddy happiness and excitement has grown over the years, I'd say. But it is probably different for every couple, to be honest. Some relationships are perfectly happy without the giddy, lovey feelings- it's a matter of finding a balance of emotions that works for you and your relationship. There is no 'normal', I don't think.
It sounds like you are in the "comfortable" stage, like, you still love him but you are more comfortable with one another, so you don't think about him too much or you just sort of take it for granted that he's there. This is probably a normal place to be for YOU but if you're unhappy with it then try reconnecting with what made you two click in the first place. Think back to the few few months, the first time you went out together, think about how you thought of him, what he looked like, how you felt, etc. See if you still get excited when you think of that. I know I do!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): well i know this much,im still in love with my man after nearly 5 yrs,i constantly think about him and feel a rush of excitiment wether we are together or apart
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