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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: hi. im gonna go straight into my question n then i will explain. i am turning 15 tomorrow and i am dreading it because for the past 2 years i have been petrified of this one day!! last year i couldnt even bring my self to get out of bed and from like 2 or 3 days before my birthday i do nothing but cry.you see on my 13th birthday i went to my boyfriends(call him d) house to get my card and present off of him n when i got there me n him and one of his friends where just talking n watchin films and it started off realli fun. after we had watched mary poppins i was sat on the sofa and d asked me if i liked my teddy he bought me i was like yes its realli cute hehe n then he sed "how will u repay me then" so i just laffed it off n sorta sed dunno so he smiled at me and turned to his friend (call him s) then s threw me on the floor all of a sudden and i thought he was messing about so i was laffin n then i felt my trousers rip off!! d said to me " r u gunna give me what i want " i was 13!! i didnt realli know what he wanted so i said i dont know and i felt realli nervous. d said "well if you wont give me it i will get it myself". suddenly s was pinning me down while d was hurting me i was crying and he took off my nickers n then he took off his shorts. s was grippin me real tight and d was pushing his penis against me! then he had sex with me!! i was telling him to let go of me i was screaming and i didnt know what to do. i was realli realli scared and s and d where laffing at me and telling me to shut up so i did then i saw blood on his carpet and i panikked! i didnt know what to do and he was realli hurting me. all that was going round my head was what is he doing. why is he doing this. i understand now that all he wanted me to do was sleep with him and i think it owuld of made it easier for me and him if i had but i didnt want to. i wasnt ready and now every yr on my birthday it is all i can think about, every time i hear someone say oo its ya bday in 3 days r u exited im like yea but im realli not. i hate it. nobody knows what happened i think its discusting to even think about and writing this is realy hard but i need some advice. how can i get through my birthday without thinking bout it. i cant pretend to be ill again can i??please help anyonethanx for reading and sorry about the essey. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2007): As many said the thing that happened wasnt your fault. Leave this guy and never come in contact with him agian! Try to move on for your b-day in stead maybe just celebrate it with some close female friends. You still want to celebrate it or do something fun on your bday. The past two years I blew it off because i was too busy and did miss it in a way but I made up for it by seeing my close friends and doing something.
This is awful what happened but the only thing you can try and do is move on! Its hard I know but in the end is the best result for yourself. I wish you luck and a Happy birthday! remember a group of close friends doing what girls do such as shopping or a movie is great fun. Presants and things ads you will learn are the least of things though they are nice to get but spending quality time with the friends you care and trust by your side means more.
A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (9 June 2007):
 What happened is not your fault in the least. It is not because you were a tease, you werent 'ready' or because you deserved it for not giving him what he wanted. He had no right to take it. He raped you plain and simple, and his friend helped. It sounds to me like it was premeditated on their part wich is even worse. Rape is about power, it is not about sex or love or not being able to control oneself or ones desire. You need help. If you havent told your parents about this now may be the time. What he did was a criminal act and although it can be difficult to prove 2 years after the fact, you may want to press charges. Talk to a rape crisis line, a therapist, a school councelor or even your pediatrician. You need much more help than we can give you on an advice site. Please dont let what this thug did ruin your life and what should be a happy day for you. You are very young and have many many more birthdays ahead of you and they should all be sparkley happy days. Good luck, my dear.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2007): Honey, what happened to you when you were 13 was NOT YOUR FAULT, it did not have anything to do with you not being ready to sex with your boyfriend. What he did to you has a name, rape. Rape is not about sex, it is criminal behavior that a man does to a woman because he can, because he is physically stronger and he wants to control and dominate you. A young male who is capable of that has deep seated psychological problems and is a danger to society, he has a criminal sociopathic mind. Please don't ever have anything to do with him again.
I am very concerned for you, you are still realing from this traumatic experience and I am not surprised, your reaction of depression and the inability to get out of bed on the date of the anniversary of your attack is completely and profoundly understandable.
I want you to do something about this, I want you to take your power back, don't let this guy keep abusing you by letting him ruin your birthday, but more importantly, you need to talk to someone about this, a therapist. If you don't, and trust me I know from personal experience that this is true, if you don't tell, if you don't talk it out with someone who can help you, you will waste years, not days, years of your life in a self imposed prison of sorts, afraid to ever let your guard down again. This is no way for any human being to live, ever. If you contact your local mental health association or ask your family physcician, they can refer you to a therapist, there is financial aid available if you need it, and possibly insurance reimbursement, but what ever it costs please do this for yourself, it will be the nicest thing you ever did for yourself....as for the guy, I think you should consider going to the police with your story, it is not to late to prosecute him, which is what he deserves so he does not do this to another girl....but whatever you decide about that, you need to seek some help.
God Bless you, and Happy Birthday, one more successful year on the planet!
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (9 June 2007):
 Don't let your past dictate your future. I know that the day brings back bad memories, but you have to believe that you're going to get through it...
DV1
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