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A new baby and confusion and hurt feelings over this child's 'surname". Help me deal with this!

Tagged as: Pregnancy, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 November 2006) 2 Answers - (Newest, 25 November 2006)
A female Canada, *una~ writes:

My boyfriend had a divorce 2 1/2 yrs ago. His wife cheated on him and left him to live with the new guy. My boyfriend and his ex-wife has a 6 yrs old daughter. The ex-wife was never re-married, just living with that guy and the daughter.

Recently, the ex-wife had a baby with the live-in boyfriend. I heard from a conversation between my boyfriend and his cousin that the ex named the baby with my boyfriend's last name. The first name was spelled a special way that my boyfriend has liked.

I truely trust my boyfriend--that the baby has nothing to do with him. But what is the ex-wife thinking? Is that something I need to be worry about? She was the one who ran off with another guy. However, she does act rude to me. And how can a guy stand having his baby's last name following your girlfriend's ex-husband's? The ex-wife's reason was because that's the daughter's baby sister, and legally, the ex-wife's last name did changed to my boyfriend's when they got married.

View related questions: cousin, divorce, ex-wife, his ex

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2006):

You really have nothing to say about it. Its her last name and she wants her kids names to match. Big deal.

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A female reader, Sally R. Cinnamon +, writes (24 November 2006):

Sally R. Cinnamon agony auntHang on a minute, from the ex-wife's point of view, she has given her own surname to her baby. It's not that odd that she should want herself and both her children to have the same surname. It is up to the new guy and the ex-wife, and if they are both happy, surely that's fine? It's not worth your effort worrying on behalf of the new guy and trying to figure out why he's okay with it. That's his problem. So I say, if it's just the name and not the sperm that your boyfriend has donated to this little one, don't worry in the least. The ex-wife is right that she changed her name legally - and its hers to pass on to her children if she wants to. It might seem wierd from your perspective, but the others in your story might see it as a natural thing. The new guy might just see it is his wife's name - after all that is the name she's had since he met her!

You say you overheard this from a conversation - perhaps it might be a good idea to discuss it out in the open with your boyfriend?

But since you trust him and know the baby is not your boyf's, then really don't get worried about a name. It isn't worth the stress. Hope this is reassuring!

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