A
female
age
30-35,
*indonfire
writes:I don't know what to do. I've been seeing someone way older than me, and at first I thought he was amazing and everything..but maybe because he puts off himself that way. He thinks he knows best about everything and thinks very highly of himself. He is a musician and has gotten a lot accomplished with his music and has experienced a lot that people will never experience, so maybe that is where that attitude comes from. He doesn't think he's a "know-it-all" and hates being called that, but he does act like he knows it all. He is very dominant and has beat up many people in his life, has also been to jail, and does lots of drugs. Whenever I come over to his place he always gives me some weed to smoke.The thing with us is that we aren't even dating, more like best friends with benefits. The sex isn't great though, he finishes in less than a minute. We've fought about this before when he was saying that other girls he's been with can have an orgasm right away and I'm telling him I don't work like that and he gets mad and blames me on not being able to relax and basically it's my fault. But this isn't the main problem. The problem is, I'm way too attatched to him. He says he has trust issues from his wife and all these other women that have left him, so he is always telling me it will take a long time for him to fully trust me. Untill then, he doesn't ever trust me and always says I'm lying. He's always asking me what I'm doing and trying to find ways in which I could be lying and accuses me of it. He says all my friends are idiots and has been pretty successfull in stopping me from hanging out with anyone except him. When I do try to hang out with others he kind of gives me trivia questions like "what were you doing, what time, where, etc" that I know he's just saying because he's posessive and nosy not because he actulaly cares about what I was doing. Then he somehow turns every situation into me not caring about him and telling me I'm selfish. He thinks I lie about going to school and work and he even says he will have this GPS application that reads all text messages and moniters wherever you are without the consent of the other person, he thinks he freaks me out by telling me this and I have to act like an idiot and keep saying "okay" when I know that he's lying about the stupid application just to mess with me and control me.If I don't reply to his text messages within a few minutes most of the time he sends me about 3-10 more texts depending on his mood that say how horrible of a person I am and how I'm unreliable and a bad friend and how he's done with me which always ends in me apologizing and begging him to take me back. I don't know why I do this, I kinda really that isn't right but always end up coming back to him even though many times we have tried to take a break. When that happens it ends up with him saying why would you want a break it'a all your fault bla bla bla. He says I don't care about him even though I've been the only person thats shown any care for him in the past like 6 months. He always talks about how no one cares about him and doesn't do anything for him. He is very generous and gives people money and things but has been getting upset cuz people haven't been getting him anything. He's bought me a lot of stuff too without me asking and now he doens't have any money and asks me to buy him stuff. I can't though because i don't have as much money or a steady income and he tells me I'm lying about not having money and being selfish. We've had bad fights where he would call me really bad things like a whore that I will have sex with anyone and telling me that I care about no one and am selfish amongst many other things.Basically, this is a neverending circle of us fighting and the same problems always. He tells me I've helped him so much and he really has taught me a lot about life and got me to open my eyes about certain things but he does a bunch of drugs that he cannot stop. I don't know what to do.
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a break, best friend, drugs, friend with benefits, money, orgasm, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 November 2011):
 He sounds plain crazy, maybe too many drugs fried his brain. Call him an ambulance for the loony bin, and gain back some perspective ( and your freedom ) before his bad example rubs off on you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 November 2011):
 and you stay with a man who does not sexually satisfy you
who calls you WHORE because WHY?
you give us a list of all the bad things.. is there an equal list of all the good things?
personally this is not about his age but his personality which is horrid IMO...
WHAT are you getting from this relationship?
WHY are you staying?
once you figure that out you can figure out if you want to continue being emotionally abused or if you want to get your life back.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 November 2011):
 He is a control freak. Do you know the worst symptom of weed is paranoia, its the same with a lot of other drugs, and if he is not strong enough to come of them then he is never going to change. Is this really the way you see your future? Being controlled and slowly having no friends or nobody else to talk to. Because that is the way this is going to go if you do not do something about it now. He knows you are weak and he knows that he can threat you because you always beg for him to get back with you. You need to stand up to him and show him you are a strong independent person. Tell him it is over until he can sort out his issues. You are meant to be his partner not his prisoner. He is controlling you that much is clear and it will only get worse. You need to be strong enough to stand up to him and tell him that unless he changes his ways then he will lose you.
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