A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 3 years and I got into a nasty fight while we were drinking. I slapped at him and turned to run and then he pushed my face into a wall and split it wide open. I will have a permanent scar as it took 30 stitches to help me heal. My self esteem is gone and he feel terrible and wanted me to turn him into the police. It's now been 4 months and my face looks better but I'm still having serious mental stress over this incident. Both of us have 100% stopped drinking since the incident and we are very loving and kind to each other. We have had a few small arguments and I cry a lot now because I have to see my new face everyday. I love him and he isn't a violent person. Am I supposed to leave him? I am just sick over everything and so is he.
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self esteem, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2013): I'm glad you're happier now, but please, the next hint of violence leave, and maybe consider therapy to find out why it happened in the first place and ensure it never will again.
Best of luck with your renewed relationship and improved sense of self.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just had my scar fixed and my relationship couldn't be stronger. My boyfriend and I rarely drink and if we do have an argument we treat each other with respect. I don't know that we would have gotten do far without stepping do far back. I am so glad I didn't continue to hold this against him and I am happy to be in a great relationship with a man who would do anything for me. Sometimes it takes something bad to happen to put life into perspective.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone. It truly was an accident and we both realize what happened is completely unacceptable and that I am as much to blame. Also, he pushed me and did not mean for me to hit the wall. It's still the memory of it all that is the worst. In some respects it has actually made us closer and we learned a harsh lesson. I did not tell people he was involved with the injury and I do not hold it over his head. I blame myself quite a bit. The whole incident just makes me sick and I have always thought that an incident like this would mean a breakup and that we both were making a mistake by not ending it. Other than this we have a solid and respectful relationship. I know that seems hard to believe after what happened.... Thanks for all of your feedback and for bring honest and caring with this matter. It means a lot.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): Don't leave him. You will get through these rough times and you will become stronger. It's not all his fault. You slapped him first and ran away. You shouldn't have slapped him. That was wrong.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (7 May 2013):
 Hi,
Get him to pay for plastic surgery as he did leave you with scar, hopefully after that you can think more clearly.
If he really regrets what he did he will pay for it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): OP you don't get a pass on this either, you too were abusive and violent towards him.
I believe in equality OP, 100%. If a woman hits me she gets the same back, I don't give a shit about false sense of entitlement women have to be violent towards me without an equal reaction. Too many women think they get a free pass on violent abuse because men aren't supposed to hit women under any circumstance, well screw that I will defend myself.
Now as far as what happened between you two, then you were both violent towards each other, neither of you get a pass on this and alcohol is no excuse.
But the reality is OP that even if you do break up with him it's not going to heal your face, it's not going to get rid of the emotional trauma you suffered over this incident.
The only reason I'd go if I were you is if you have any feelings of resentment building towards him specifically. I mean obviously you resent what happened, but is that making you hate him?
You say he's not a violent person OP, the question is are you? You hit him first remember? You're not a victim here even if you are the person who came away from this with the most damage.
You see it's just as important that you don't think it's okay to hit him and it's important that you don't do that again.
I have never once lashed out a woman violently over an argument no matter how furious I got but I have slapped back when slapped and then I walked away from the relationship or friendship.
OP these feelings will pass but maybe it would be worth going seeing a counsellor and talking about it. A facial disfigurement is an exceptionally tough thing to deal with. maybe it would help to go talk to someone. Go to your doctor and ask for a referral to someone who can help you.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (7 May 2013):
 If he isn't violent then why did he push your face into a wall?
Did you tell people why you really have that scar? or cover up?
Give him another chance if things are okay, but if he ever shows signs of violence or abuse again, then run and do not look back!
Don't use your low confidence as an excuse to stay together
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 May 2013):
 Since you are in a forgiving mood.... then do so.... and you and he can get on in life... HOWEVER....
..... let him know that you expect him to be a model B/F from now until forever.... AND, if he ever so much as raised his VOICE to you (never MIND, his hand!)... that it is all over and you are out of there.....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, misLadYd.. +, writes (7 May 2013):
 dont make excuses for him and if you love each other as much as you say you do..then you wil survive this.you will work it out together. Its very good that you stopped drinking.just learn to forgive him.its hard to look at yourself but you will be fine as time goes by
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