A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I will try to keep this as short as possible...I am a gay female, and I currently work with a girl who is a few years younger than me and has been in a relationship with a male for just over a year (apparently she has broken up with him once before). It was such a strange thing, but from the moment I laid eyes on her I felt an immediate draw to her, the reason which is unexplainable. In the early stages of us getting to know one another, we'd playfully flirt, glance at each other coyly and of course tease, but I felt there was a large amount of uneasy tension from her part (some of my friends who know nothing about her have told me the tension between us when we are around one another was crazy). I never did pursue (i.e. text, arrange outside work meetings etc) her, even though I do have strong feelings for her - as I respect the fact that she has a boyfriend, and I felt as though she only liked the attention from me. But since a few months have passed by, things have become progressively different between us. We've been to dinner twice, and we both revealed on our first evening outing that we felt drawn to one another, and she even mentioned that she was glad to have someone like me in her life. I took this as a strictly platonic thing, but since then our relationship has blossomed into such a natural and beautiful thing. She, being so timid and shy is now completely open with me, sends me messages daily and from what all is evidenced we seem to have a mutual and deep soul connection. My sister met her recently too, and picked up within the space of five minutes that from the way she looked at me, she was completely smitten. But herein lies the issue. I know the path this will eventually take if we become closer, since she has expressed to me that she is confused about her sexuality and has always felt that she was gay. She has invited me out to dinners and evening drinks but I decline those invitations only out of courtesy. I feel as though I am the first woman she has had strong, deep and more importantly real feelings for, but is terrified to risk what she has with her current boyfriend as this seemingly for her, may only be a 'phase.' I wish to tell her that I want to become more close to her, and more deeply connected with the hope of fully exploring this relationship to its full potential (because I feel its so important to do that when you are drawn to someone), but I only have her best interest at heart. I don't want to take her on this journey when she is still unsure and unprepared for it, because I am sympathetic about her feelings and do not wish to make her more confused than she currently is. Most of my friends have told me to abandon this situation as it is too tedious and feel as though she is using me as a means of gaining what she isn't getting in her current relationship (she does talk about her boyfriend to me quite often though and even mentioned wanting to introduce us), but my heart simply tells me to wait. I think the strong connection we have is too much to simply walk away from, and I genuinely feel that there will be something great that will eventuate from us becoming more intimately acquainted. So what to do guys? Wait, let this unfold naturally or slowly walk away?Thanks! x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2012): Thanks for the advice guys :) Well it so happens that we spoke again today after she invited me out to an event with her boyfriend. It seems as though she purposefully did so in order to gain knowledge about the way I felt about hanging out with both of them. So I came clean and was completely honest with her about how I felt. That it would make me uncomfortable hanging out with them. I also mentioned that she should realise the risks of us becoming too close and I told her I would hate to cause confusion for her as a result of it because I care for her. She appreciated my foresight and my honesty so I am glad of that. Who knows where this will go now...
A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (6 April 2012):
 It's really good that you respect her relationship status and don't want to ruin that for her, a rare thing im afraid.
If she has not expressed any intention in leaving her boyfriend, how long are you willing to wait for her? that is what you need to ask yourself. Can you wait a long time for. If she break up with him, she idnt going to be ready to start something new straight away.
You could try talking to her about how she feels and what she wants to give yourself a better idea of what you are up against as such.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 April 2012):
 They have broken up once before. If you step back and let them do their thing they are forced to either resolve their own issues or decide that they can't be happy with each other. Right now you are just acting like a sweet distraction and your involvement is slowing down their progression as a couple or their doom of break up. What you do is just texting or calling, letting her know you are still interested but not meeting up until they break up. You already know there is some kind of chemistry but to pursue a relationship with you she has to be sure that she wants a female for long term, not just to fill a void when a guy fails her.
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