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*ummer
writes: On Sunday night, me and my boyfriend had a big fight because I was talking to someone we have both known for years. We were talking about our wedding next year so there was nothing for him to worry about as he was joining as well but now he's moved out and I don't know what to do without him. I can't sleep. The bed's too big without him. How can I fix this and get him back?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2005): Hi there. Let me tell you a little about me before giving you an advice. I hate to admit it but I think I'm quite possessive over my girlfriend and who she talks to. It's not something I'm proud of and I definitely wouldn't wish I'd be feeling all jealous whenever she talks to a guy, but it's something so hard to change, even if I knew it was just a clean, decent conversation. I'd prefer it if I could just act as if I wasnt bothered at all, rather than acting all jealous, upset and sarcastic. Having said that, I've be pondering upon this for a while now and came up with the conclusion that I could be unaffected by who she talks to ONLY if I didn't love her, which I know still doesn't justify my being jealous most of the time, but at least she can take pride in the fact that I love her. Which brings me to your problem. Most men get jealous over their girls and in fact, I feel they should. However, there should be a limit to it as a relationship should be based on trust. In my case, I do trust my girlfriend, but just feel she's disrespecting me by being overly chatty with another guy. Saying that, he could very well be going through the same thing. I tell you what, he's not going to cancel the wedding, as he loves you too much. But there are certain things you're gonna have to do to make him feel better and reassured again. First, dont give him too much space alone. Try locating him and ask him to have a talk with you. When he agrees, which he will(although he may try to play hard to get initially but if it's really worth it, don't give up and get him to talk to you), look him in the eye and nowhere else, especially not other men, and tell him that you really want the wedding to go on and that you need him to understand that the conversation between you and that guy was just a clean conversation. Be very sincere about it and trust me, he'll be back home with you in no time. As for what to do the next time you get into another clean conversation with a guy and afraid that he'll get jealous again, do what I tell you and everything will be alright. It's sad but there isnt much you can do if he's naturally a green eyed monster. All you can do is to show him you're not attracted to other guys at all and that you think the world of him. You'll have to incorporate this into your behaviour when you chat with another guy. There's this trick that will always work. While you're talking to another guy when he's around, look your boyfriend in the eye once in a while. Another good way to avoid him being jealous is by constantly touching him on his hands, waist, etc, whilst talking to this other guy. Trust me, this always works. It's basically saying to him that you're aware of his presence and that this conversation is just a clean one, although you may be laughing a lot and stuff, which would've made him uncomfortable if you hadn't done what I just taught you. I cant stress this enough, I'm so certain and I don't know why, that everything is going to work out fine for you. From what you wrote, I sense you're a loyal girlfriend, and if so, you have nothing to worry about. I'm very very certain he'll realise this. Chins up girl, everything will be aight. Jon
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