A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi AllA married man wants me to have an affair with him. He told me he was married straight away and that the decison was mine to make. I really liked him instantly and thats never happend to me before. I know that it's wrong but i dont think i can help myself. help please.
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affair, married man Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, iateadonut  +, writes (12 July 2008):
did you ever hear the beach boys song, "here today":"A brand new love affair is such a beautiful thingBut if youre not careful think about the pain it can bringIt makes you feel so badIt makes your heart feel sadIt makes your days go wrongIt makes your nights so longYouve got to keep in mind love is here todayAnd its gone tomorrowIts here and gone so fastRight now you think that shes perfectionThis time is really an exceptionWell you know I hate to be a downerBut Im the guy she left before you found her..."
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): Let's say you get involved with this man. What is your future?
You fall in love with him
you spend your nights alone wishing he were there
you never get to spend holidays with him
you never get to spend your birthday with him
you get hurt and call him on the way to the hospital, you don't even get to talk to him because he is home with his wife
you never get to meet his brothers and sisters
you never have a date for weddings and funerals
you never have a shoulder to cry on
you get bad karma
you hurt his wife and family
YOU GET SEX
sounds good doesn't it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): I was involved with a married man
the sex was amazing and we are still friends BUT his wife came out with us once and the guilt i felt was HORRIBLE she doesnt deserve it. imagine if it was you- you were the wife.
Its the best sex ive ever had in my entire life
but i cant do it again.
think about it carefully
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A
female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (6 July 2008):
 All I have to say is think about what you're getting yourself into:
Not only are you advocating breaking up someone else's marriage for your own (selfish!) desire, but you're also becoming the woman on the side.
Do you really want to be this man's dirty little secret? The woman that no one close to him will know about and even if they do, they're going to hate you because of what you have done?
You should have a lot more self-respect for yourself then to become someone else's second best - when you're with a man, you should be his one and only.
Having an affair can cause more then just problems within this man's marriage but may hurt you emotionally, physically and mentally - all at once! You deserve a lot better than that and having an affair with this man will only do more bad then good.
Last question: Do you really want to hurt his wife? Put yourself in her shoes: If your husband was having an affair with another woman, how would you feel?
I think it would be best if you just left him alone and told him to work on keeping his own marriage from falling apart - without your involvement.
Take care!
xo
scrazy
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (6 July 2008):
 Personally i would steer well clear, nothing good will ever come of having an affair with a married man. He gets his cake and eat it, he gets to have you on the side, then creep back to the marital bed when he has had enough. Invariably married men never leave their wives, so ultimately you become his mistress, or bit on the side, only getting to see him when he can sneak away. It may seem all rosy in the beginning, but in most cases it all ends in tears and heartache. My advice would be to not see him anymore and find someone who does not come with a wife, by doing this you will be saving yourself alot of future aggrevation.
All the best x
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 July 2008):
 He is being unfaithful to his wife, but very clear with you: don't expect this relationship to go beyond sex. You will eventually have to move on. Maybe the wife will find out about the relationship, too.
The decision is yours.
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