A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is 20yrs old and she just recently got out of a physcially abusive relationship about 1yr ago. How do I get her to understand that I love her and would nevet hurt her the way she has been hurt by her ex. I also dont wanna have to keep paying for the mistakes he made. When we get into arguments eventhough there is no yelling or screaming she kind of just turns off and doesnt want to deal with anything. CAN ANYONE HELP ME OUT I REALLY DO LOVE THIS WOMEN.
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 She needs professional help. Be patient with her and give her time. She is still quite young, I can only assume she left her ex a year or so ago. Encourage her to get professional help to deal with this once and for all.
If you truly love this woman you will certainly get around this problem, in time. Until then, focus more on savoring the joyous moments you two share. Good luck.
I hope that helps.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): Hi there.
Your girlfriend sounds like me 5 years ago. And honestly, the only thing you can do to help is just love and support her and give her time. Time is a great healer and things will improve as she learns she can trust you (emotionally). take note of the things which make her smile - and when she goes into the 'zoned' state - I found it helped to get distracted - I know its a bit selfish to suggest this, but just END the argument - she is feeling guilty - even if its not her fault, blaming herself - so tell her you love her and that you are going to take her out tonight/cook her dinner/watch her favourite movie in bed. Obviosuly these things are only my opinions from my experiances - but thought they may help. Perhaps suggest she has some counciling and perhaps you could go with her - i know you dont need it - but she may appreciate your support. the suggestion may be enough to make her realise you are not him :)
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