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anonymous
writes: I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost four years. My boyfriend is 23 and I am 27. I have a college degree and he does not. I am from a great family with money and he is not. Over the past couple of years he has lost all of my trust due to lies (most of which were attributes to drug use that I did not know about) The lies have all led me into a financial disaster and I am having trouble getting out. What shouldI do? He says that he is trying to change and the drug use has stopped, but will I ever really be able to trust him? I feel so lost.
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reader, Wildberries +, writes (25 May 2005):
If you are keeping him (and I do NOT think that is wise), you cannot be available to him financially, and he needs to know that up front and in person. He knows what happened and why. Save your own carcass first darlin!. If he cannot accept the consequences of his actions, he should be moving on. Trust broken is EXTREMELY hard to repair...and it does not happen overnight.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2005): I understand how your loyalties must feel torn between your boyfriend and doing the right thing for yourself. I dated a jobless alcoholic several years ago and I tried to support him and help him by giving him money etc. Unfortunately all this did was perpetuate his addiction. Eventually I left as I was sick of the arguments and I felt that he was dragging me down. Afer I left, he went into a further depression, but eventually started to rebuild his life and quit drinking, smoking and got himself a job. Though I realise that it could have gone either way. Your boyfriend has to be willing to kick his habits himself, not simply because you want him to. Ask him what steps he is taking towards recovery- has he sought medical advice? He has to prove to you that he is changing his ways, and working towards rebuilding your trust. If he cannot do this, you must do what is best for yourself. As far as your financial problems go, try not to continue bailing him out financially as your problems will only worsen. Look at all your outstanding debts and clear the debts with the highest interest rates first. Do this for yourself and do not tell him that you are sorting yourself out financially or he may try and beg more money from you. It is up to you boyfriend to regain your trust and prove to you that he is taking steps to change his ways. If he cannot then you must do what is best for yourself and not allow his mistakes to drag you down.
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