A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been friends with someone for over 20 years and have always had strong feelings for him since we met at college. We got together a couple of months ago and went away for the weekend for our first date. It was everything I had ever hoped for and was sure he felt the same way. 6 weeks and 4 dates later it was obvious he did not feel the the same and we decided to go back to just being friends. I don't know what to do any more though because I think about him all the time and cannot believe that things didn't work out between us. I'm 36 and have been single for over 3 years. I have never felt this low in my life before and am having a really hard time facing the world right now. Do I forget about him or get in touch? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): To me it seems strange that after knowing you for so long as a friend that he began to date you, this has happened to me a couple of times, and so far it did not end in lasting love...however, I think I may not have been as sure about the men in as I thought I should be after knowing them as friends first and I held back quite a bit, mostly due to insecurity about everything working out...perhaps this applies to you two as well....it is scary taking a relationship to that next level, and a lot of things have to be sorted out in a guy's head if he begins to think he loves you as more than a friend....I would still be the same happy girl and friend, but I wouldn't contact him unless it was you who backed off first...give him some time, give him some space to think about you and decide what he feels about you...I know it is agonizing and makes you feel really uncomfortable and sad, but guys have an allergy to commitment, to the concept of commitment, most women take this as a sign of rejection, but it is not really about you, how oculd it be, you have been his dear friend for 20 years, he obviously loves you as a friend, and friendship is the basis for all of the best romances in the world......If he does not come back wanting to secure a relationship with you as his girlfriend, then you may not want to wait around for him after all and move on ....but don't take this as a sign that you are not lovable or that he did not love you,,,,he may just be a commitment phobe, and won't make you a good boyfriend right now anyway....guys are not always ready to let love in when it comes their way, they wouldn't know a quality girl if she hit them in the face and there is not much you can do about it....I don't want to give you false hope, I don't know the man, but I would not just throw in the towel yet until he says for sure that he does not want a relationship with you....then you have to take him at his word, sadly.
A
female
reader, artistical_bumblebee +, writes (28 August 2007):
 theres no reason you cannot stay in touch honey a piece of advice i was once given "it shows a great quality when a person can be friends with the person they love when the other person feels differently" some great friendships are formed from breakups its hard because you have loved him for so long you finally got your shot at the stage then he shoots you down again its difficult and hard to face rejection one becomes consumed with a lot of mixed emotions have you spoken to him about why you separated? talking to him may help, talk about it though before you do anything else ask him honestly about what he was feeling and why he didnt feel the relationship worked its not a college fling anymore no more toying or games but after you get your reason your answer if it it not the answer you hoped for move on there are other guys out there hard to see but you have to believe in yourself and love yourself before you shine, three years is a long time to be single darlin do not wait around for this guy he broke up with you remember there is nothing wrong with you no reason for you to feel bad about yourself because you are still an amazing person it is his loss so get out there and have some fun x love x
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