A
female
age
36-40,
*otallylost86
writes:Im a bisexual in a relationship with a female.. I have been with her for 6 months now. Im an outgoing person, when I go out Im friendly, I talk to anyone... I have silly fun with my friends like hug, kiss (no tongue, just pecks on the lips, cheeks) and all that kind of stuff girls do. My gf has known this since she met me, Ive never cheated and she knows how i feel about it. When my gf goes out, her idea of fun is dirty dancing with ppl, that doesnt bother me because i know its her having harmless fun. Well the other night i was out without my gf but with other friends.. one of my male friends asked what my lipgloss tasted like.. so i pecked him on the lips.. I never thought anything of it because its not like I was attracted to him or anything. Anyway someone saw me do it, msgd my gf n now she has broken up with me. She thinks its more than what it was, my girl friends that were there with me no exactly that that is all that it was... I hate the fact that its hurt my gf, obviously if i didnt see it as just harmless fun then i would never have done it. What do you think? I guess I have to brace myself as some people will see that as cheating.. but i love my gf and all that was was me having silly fun with friends... advice please, I doubt she will want to forgive me, but I just need to hear what people think.. thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 sorry to hear that, maybe she's just too angry with you at the moment. on the other hand if she has lost trust for you a relationship is VERY hard to get back on track, she may have always thrown what (she thought) you had done back in your face.
i know this is of no comfort at the moment, but if one thing comes out of this, it is that you have learned a lesson that you will find useful in the future
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A
female
reader, totallylost86 +, writes (23 May 2011):
totallylost86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUnfortunately she never saw it that way, I was honest, told her I meant no harm, thought it was just silly fun with friends... she has every right to break up with me. Just because I saw it as harmless fun doesnt mean she did. thanks for everyones help, but nothing will change her mind of me now.. to her im just another cheater.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (23 May 2011):
that's a good explanation, its exactly the way you need to say it to her coz its honest and tell her that you have learned a lesson from this coz it really seems like you have
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A
female
reader, totallylost86 +, writes (22 May 2011):
totallylost86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to all that have replied. Everyone has made a valid point.. I saw what I had done as harmless, but doesnt mean its acceptable. My gf means a lot more to me then going out and having silly fun like that. My gf is an amazing person and we are working through this, i just hate the fact that we live in such a small town where people like to gossip. I guess we do need to sit down and set boundaries... and her dirty dancing is always just with our friends, sometimes the odd stranger.. but thats just her being silly... shes never done anything to ever make me question her. Im just annoyed that I let something so silly happen while I was out. We want to work on this, so hopefully tonight we can sit down, communicate on what we both want out of this relationship and go from there..
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (22 May 2011):
ok first of all why does your GF think its ok to dirty dance with other people? and you tolerate it? people in relationships should expect to be dumped or at least reprimanded for that! and now to you.. he wanted to taste your lip gloss?? next time a guy asks for this - give him the tube instead of kissing him! so yes, as your GF was not there to see that this was innocent she is obviously going to be thinking the worst.
all you can do is tell it like it is, but don't expect her to believe the 'i was just letting him taste my lip gloss' bit
good luck!
x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2011): Obviously whomever texted your girlfriend made it sound worse than it really was, perhaps more worrying is the fact she made a decision without first listening to what you had to say despite the fact is she knows your views on cheating.It seems to me there are no clear established boundaries in this relationship to what is and not acceptable. You kissed the guy because you saw it as harmless because your girlfriend seems to do much worse even though its not physically cheating, but it appears when the shoe is on the other foot she doesn't like it.Or maybe its because she feels as you are bisexual you want to explore/experience the other side so to speak.Sit down and talk openly and honestly about everything, establish clear rules as to eliminate misunderstandings and jealousy, but most importantly tell her how you feel and how much you care. It's about trust and security, work on that and things will be fine.Good luck.
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