A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have fallen in to a situation here i have too many conflicting issues to know what is right to do.I had met a girl some time ago and we became fast friends and became very, very close and shared a small intimate moment, however she, is gay.She asked me to be her.. back up, where once she's 25 if she's single she said she'd marry me. Now of course all joking aside we've gone back to that several times and she was serious about it.I've wondered about it because, i do love her and she does have feelings for me, to what extent.. I don't know. She became one of those friends you could just be with all the time, in a sence for me it would be a sexless marriage, in a penetration sence and i'm actually comfertable with that. I don't have a great sex life or a sex drive for that matter.Does any one have any input on this?
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lesbian, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (6 March 2008):
 HEY!!
Well after reading your update, just see how it goes :)
GOOD LUCK!! Feel free to mail me at any time x x x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should have made it clear. due to situation she is american and as such had to leave europe. So marriage explains itself.As for the time of it it wouldn't be for another 2-3 years, by which time I will be 29. Is she crazy? Are you crazy? - to be honest. Yes. I have always been a black-sheep, an outcast. It's a situation where unless you are in it, or have experienced it it can be hard to understand, she is my best friend and more. Cosy - you said what if she meets someone or I meet someone. Couldn't you say the same for every other relationship out there?Rick - Souless? No. It is not something I can explain, I'm not going to use the corny line that she's my soul mate. If there was a better term then I would use that.I have met many people in my life and travels. Most of the time I have been single, not through fear of comitting just simply not one has fitted into the puzzle. Yes I know, she's a lesbian but she may well be bi but she means the world to me.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (6 March 2008):
HEY!!
You are young!!! Youve got your life ahead of you!!! Dont get married to someone who is openly a lesbien (not bi) unless there is real love for each of you, forever.. Being married is your love towards each other!
GOOD LUCK! Feel free to mail me at any time x x x
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick  +, writes (6 March 2008):
 At your age you want to get married to a woman you can't sex with? You say you have a low sex drive and its ok! Are you kidding! Is she crazy? Are you crazy? You both sound sexually dysfunctional but even that is not reason enough to get involved in a marriage. What is the whole point of this marriage?
Don't you realize that marriage is about commitment and love, body and soul, which includes more than a small intimate moment as a foundation? Sex is a huge part of a healthy marriage yet you are so willing to be involved in a no-win sexual scenario. And what about her...is she going to continue to see other girls on the side to get her sexual fix while you’re left in the dust alone? Why are you even remotely interested in such a soulless marriage? What's in it for you? This is a dead-end marriage and you should already know it.
If you have such a low sex drive as you say the first thing you should do is see a doctor. You’re not normal! You should be in your prime about now. Maybe what you need is a big shot of testosterone to bolster not only your sex drive but your manhood which I seriously question. It might even be that you’re gay too and don’t even know it.
I urge you not to get into a marriage of convenience based on a bad Julia Roberts movie. This is not love, but a deformed and defective excuse for a relationship.
Stop and think about what you are doing and think HARD. Marriage is not a joke. You need a woman who will love you completely… not halfway.
Think!
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A
female
reader, Cosy +, writes (6 March 2008):
WHat happens if you meet someone else that you love and loves you the same.. would you be able to leave her? What if she meets someone she loves that loves her back? I'd say that you probably wouldn't want to be somebodies 'back-up', not for marriage. Maybe for a night out or when everyone else is busy buy marriage- life? By askign you to do this she is avoiding being ultimatley lonely herself but in a sexless, loveless (from her) marriage you could end up being the lonely one... just think about it and if it comes up ask her what boundries there are...I think you might be denying yourselves true love..just to avoid being alone. Maybe?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): I'm sorry but this seems horribly unfair to you. However I know what it's like to have such strong feelings for a person but do you truly love her? In my oppinion this is a very bad idea but ultimately it's up to you but if she has some feelings for you couldn't she be bi? at any rate good luck-michael
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