A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'm 21 and met this 29 year old older guy at work a few months ago. He's from a different department so didn't speak often but stupidly I really fell for him as he is quite smart. We've talked a few times as his department is meant to be doing some team building presentation in collaboration with mine, and I offered to lead it for mine just as he did for his. It's about 20 hours of extra work but I get a bonus of £200 for doing it. I am thinking of pulling out (which I can) as I never want to see him again.I haven't let him know I liked him, but I'm worried it probably came across as I felt really awkward the other day and was practically hiding from him in the office when I saw him and suddenly he seemed to pick up on that and got really awkward and cold too. I'm also very friendly in general to people and sometimes it gets misinterpreted as flirty, though I haven't deliberately flirted with him at all. He works in one of the back office departments where people are really serious so the way I act would probably stand out to anyone in that office.Anyway, I heard some other work mates talking about him in the cafeteria on Thursday and apparently he has a girlfriend and baby, which I didn't know about I don't fancy him any more because of that, ofc, but the problem is that I already think he knows I (used to) fancy him and it's so awkward! I really don't want to see him again and also I might inadvertently give him the wrong impression even if I do not flirt (obviously, I don't intend to now I know he's taken!) as the idea is already in his head.How do I mitigate the awkwardness, and convince him I never did like him - should I just act in a really blunt and cold way? I can avoid him but I have to pull out of the presentation, should I do that? £200 for 20 hours is not a lot anyway, though I did want to do it as we get to travel to London all expenses paid as well...
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 December 2014):
 I agree with WiseOwlE.
Be PROFESSIONAL. YOU go to work to WORK, not to find your next BF or flirt. YOU get PAID to work, so.... STICK to that. WORKING.
You had a crush on a guy who turns out to have a GF, BIG DEAL. IF he didn't lead you on or invite you out on date it really doesn't matter.
Doing the project is GOOD experience for you, it will LOOK good on later job resumes, and a PAID trip to London? YOU lucky duck!
Time to BE a grown up and learn how to be professional. If things are a little awkward with this fella, IGNORE it. Be polite, but don't spend any more time with him then the project requires.
A
female
reader, justwannabehappy  +, writes (7 December 2014):
This is out of your hands now, so do the job, talk to him professionally and forget about "that little crush".
Don't think about it anymore, you didn't even now he had a family! Just enjoy your work, and do it well and it will soon blow over. Especially since it's just in your head. :-) Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2014): The first advice you received is brilliant, follow it. I'll re-iterate that being in the work place you need to treat it as such, if you talk to him as you would talk to any colleague - male or female - the you're simply over reacting and making things awkward. If you however were flirting with him, and you know the way you spoke to him is not how you would to your other colleagues then take this as a lesson learnt to keep things strictly professional.
Yeah you make friends at work, I still see former colleagues as we formed a friendship - but ultimately you are there to do a job.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2014): You're very young, so I can see where this may be a little complicated for you. So here's some tough love. I supervise people professionally. So I'll give it to you straight.
You have to develop a "professional" attitude in your work-place. You must understand that once the workday starts, it's all about the job. You leave your personal-life at home, and your feelings toward people should be courteous and impersonal. Act as it is specified in your company's written code of conduct. They spell it out for you.
Exchange polite chat. Always say good morning or good afternoon. You can create friendly connections with co-workers. It makes the day go by pleasantly. You don't have to be stiff and cold. You put on a different face for work. Strictly business.
Concentrate on what you're paid to do, you're not at a single's social. You should place distance between you and all male employees; then you'll have no misunderstandings. I'm sure you can be work-friendly without gushing over guys. You do have control over your feelings and how you display them.
Practice self-discipline. The high-school crush thing is behind you now. You're a woman, not a child. Every-time you get yourself into an awkward situation, you can't run and hide. You finesse it off. It's no biggy!
Unless you DID flirt and behaved inappropriately, quit overreacting! How could you know he had a girlfriend and a baby? Why should it matter, if you're there to do what you are paid to do? That is to work!
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