A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone!How shall I begin? Well, the purpose of me writing is to gather other people's thoughts and advice on this situation that I'm currently in because I don't know what to think of it. I would also like to clarify that I would like to remain anonymous, but I will be constantly checking the answers to my questions. First off, I go to college and I am 18-years-old. A few months ago, my female friend invited me to go shopping with her to a mall and she also happened to invite another guy who also goes to the same college. We all spoke about different topics, it was awkward getting to know each other at first but then it slowly progressed throughout the day. I've come to realize that the guy is 20-years-old, a part-time model and he works for a modeling agency, which I was not surprised because he is gorgeous and he showed me some of his work. Furthermore, as the day came to an end, we all left and the moment got home and opened my computer, I noticed that he requested to be my friend on Facebook and I proceeded to confirm. Since that day, I have not seen him throughout the semester, but he sent me private message saying "How come I never see you at school? It's supposed to be a small world!" and that is when we began the "puppy flirting" (as I like to call it!) and teasing. The messages didn't happen constantly, but it has been going on for several months until school ended. Initially, we both know we're gay - we can tell. He also ended up telling me that he wants to hang out more often in the next semester and although that's really awesome, however, I just don't feel confident in myself and I fear his judgement and I don't want to risk him rejecting me if he doesn't like something about me. I mean, honestly I'm not ugly, but I'm also not a flawless/sexy model. He's about 5"11'and I am quite short, 5"5' to be exact. He has more muscle tone and I am rather thin (I've been trying to gain weight, but my metabolism is way too fast). I know I should not focus on my physicality, but he comes from an industry where it's predominantly all about the looks. He also hangs out with other cute gay male models that are way better looking than I am and in a way, I feel like I have to compete with them. I am also very inexperienced with the flirting/dating realm. I want to give it a shot, but I don't want to disappoint him. I suppose I'm young and if it's disastrous, I still have a whole life ahead of me but I feel like it will decrease my self-esteem if he walks away. Any thoughts on this? Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2013): I'll offer a different take on this and say grow a pair. In the nicest possible way.I sense the problem is not him but it's your self esteem. You don't think you deserve him and you are projecting your insecurities onto him. You've focused on what you perceive as your negative attributes and decided that they make you less deserving of happiness.Don't be your worst enemy by denying yourself opportunities. I know this is hard but try to love yourself and be kinder to yourself. No one on this earth is perfect. Not even your model crush. He has his short-comings too. He took a risk by flirting with you because you could just as easily reject him because of his weaknesses.If you turn away from this opportunity, you will feel crap afterwards. You will decrease your own self-confidence. You will 'fail' because you didn't have the guts to do what your heart wants. If you go for him, it will build up your own sense of accomplishment. Knowing that you took the risk of opening yourself up to him. That will make you a stronger person, a more confident person and a more attractive person.Love yourself enough to allow yourself great opportunities.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): It would be refreshing for him to be around someone who is focused on him as a person and not as a "model." Why do you think your friend brought him along? It was for him to meet you.Modeling is a profession. It is not who he is. It is what he does. He is a person with feelings, and he wants to be liked for just that. Gay people easily care about what's on the surface, few care about what's beneath it. If you feel unworthy, it means you are only looking at what's on the surface, and not looking at him as a person. You care too much about his looks and not enough about his feelings. Shame on you child!He wants to spend time with you. He hasn't exactly told you he's looking for a boyfriend, but he is looking for a real friend. He doesn't want to lose touch with his feelings and he may even be totally attracted to you. I lost someone who rejected me; because he felt uncomfortable about my appearance as compared to his own. I don't place my self-worth on my looks. I'm attracted to the average guy. He was absolutely stunning in my eyes.I am going through the pain of rejection for more than that one reason; but the fact I know he feels my looks make him uncomfortable kills me inside. I fell in love with him. I am in recovery. I thought his attraction to me went deeper. Maybe not. Look for the beauty that radiates from within, not on the surface. Time will take away beauty on the outside, the beauty from within is forever!Please open yourself up to him. Too many gay people put emphasis on looks and not enough on feelings. You are beautiful to him in some way. Or he wouldn't go out of his way to stay in touch and try to be friends with you.Sweetheart, just go for it. Ignore what's on the surface and go for what is in his heart. You are only 18, just imagine how he feels that you're the younger one! You're the skinny one and can eat all you like. He has to watch his diet.I'm smiling as I write this. Just let looks fade into the background, and see what this other young man finds so intriguing about you.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (8 June 2013):
 The fact that he is constantly surrounded by other male models could be a reason he wants to spend more time with you. He works in an extremely shallow, competitive, image-obsessed world and you are someone who is real. Try to spend some time with him with a view of getting to know him as a potential friend rather than a potential boyfriend. See his things develop. If he likes you he's not going to care if you're skinny or not 6ft talk.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2013): He sounds like a nice guy who likes you as a person as well as for your physical attributes. That is a great start to a dating relationship in my opinion :) Even if he is a gorgeous model, it doesn't mean he has to be shallow or obsessed with physical perfection. It just means he has looks that someone in a modelling agency somewhere liked. I myself modelled for a bit but I still have crippling insecurities about my looks, no matter what others tell me. When I was younger I was very plain and gangly looking, and no boys looked twice at me. I didn't start getting attention until I was older (about 18) and I developed a more womanly figure, but I still feel like the awkward unattractive girl I was back then. So despite the stereotype not all models are supremely self confident and it certainly doesn't mean he is going to reject you. I personally think you should go for it, and don't focus on the rejection side of things. You don't know him yet, so what's to say you won't like him much and you reject him? It's a gamble but part of life too. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2013): When you live a little longer one thing you will understand and learn how to live with that life is full of regections. People will regect you, and you will regect people, this is just how it is. You will also learn how not give a damn about it. It will come, but much much later. Appearance is not everything, actually is not going to matter if you guys don't click on emotional level. Looks can only matter initially, if there is nothing more to a person, it's not going to last. And don't be affraid to much to diss appoint someone. Remember he is just as human as you are, there is no need to put him on pedestal.
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