A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:A friendly rendezvous ended with us kissing in the car and me questioning every moment of it. I don’t know what my feelings are.We’ve known each other for just over two months and in a few days her visit here will end and she will return overseas. It’s been well over a year since my last relationship and I’m cautious about initiating such things because of a history of broken hearts and my unrelenting high standard. Granted neither of these are positive but I am aware of this facet of my personality and do not deny it.I enjoy spending time with her; more so than most of my friends. I admire her; the person she is and everything she’s accomplished. I enjoy her sense of adventure and her response to my spontaneity and surprises. She’s very sweet and thoughtful. She speaks more than one of my languages and so our conversations feel more personal, more familiar and touch closer to home. I don’t have “butterflies” in my stomach when I’m with her. I do not think about her all day. I am not attracted to her. There is no passion. I think of how different these specific feelings are to my dates with other women. She is undoubtedly head over heels for me and has been since we met. She says she has no reservations nor expectations but looks to enjoy any and every moment we can spend together. I am worried about: (i) hurting her; (ii) starting something without any ‘heavy’ feelings; (iii) letting another opportunity slip by and not enjoying a moment because I picked it to pieces.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice. I was really being silly about all this. We're now seeing each other despite the distance. I'm really happy. I never thought I would be travelling as much as I am now but life is full of surprises.
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reader, Dr. John  +, writes (1 September 2007):
 You may need to remember that not everything is cut and dried. A diamond may look like just another piece of quartz until all the rough edges are cut away to reveal the true beauty of the stone.
This may also be the case with this relationship. It could be that you need to see all the different facets of the relationship with her before you can feel a real love for her.
Not everyone experiences love at first sight, so it just could be that you will grow to love her.
On the other side of the coin though, perhaps it will never be. You may have to just wait and let things take the course that they determined to either good or bad.
In any case I do hope things go well for you. Doc.
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