A
female
age
41-50,
*inyTerrapin
writes:I really need some advice, I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 months now and everything has been going really well, yeah like in any relationship we have had a argument or 2 but everything has always moved on and it has been fine.Over the past couple of weeks the relationship has been better than ever and we have become really close he went away on holiday but when he came back said how much he had missed me and it was all going really well until the other weekend we had a drunken argument as he was extremly drunk and I was sober it all started because he kept going on and on about a argument we had had a while ago which really got my back up.The next day we spoke and he said everything was fine and it was just because he was drunk and that I should forget about it. I have tried to forget about it but since this latest argument I feel that he has become distant he does not call me as often or text me as often and when we are togeather he does not seem that interested in me espeacially in the bedroom department as we have not been intimate for nearly 2 weeks now, everytime i do try he just shuns me away. I have tried to talk to him about this but he keeps saying I am trying to start a argument which is not true I just want to know whats going on between us!!!!!I have realised in the past couple of weeks I have actually fallen in love with him and now dont know what to do can someone please help me !!!!!????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): You just need to gain control of this situation. He is kind of playing games with you. The "giving you the cold shoulder" game. Now I am not going to get into how that is a red flag (e.g. he is a manipulator) but I'll tell you how to handle it instead.
Just keep your distance from him. If you notice that he doesn't want to be around you or be the same way around you then give him what he wants and stay away from him. If you do this, in no time he is going to come back to you and stop playing this stupid game.
So everytime he calls tell him that you are busy, etc. Eventually he is going to ask you what is wrong and why are you so busy. Then you can tell him that he was acting distant towards you so you took it to mean that he didn't want to be around you and so you made other plans. Don't show him that it bothers you. But do tell him that if he wants to be with you he has got to stop acting distant no matter what the reason. And tell him that in the future if something bothers him to talk to you about it instead. Just make sure he knows that you are not going to tolerate these games. That's all.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): What is it that he was mad about when he was drunk? My fiancee does that same thing. When he's drunk he brings up the way I used to be before we got together. And we fight about it. Im always sober cuz Im pregnant. We knew eachother for 6 yrs. before we hooked up, so he knew a lot of my faults. But since he always brings these things up when he's drunk, I know it's bothering him. Maybe whatever it is that your b.f. brought up while drunk is still bothering him? But him being distant & stuff, that to me means he's 2nd guessing your relationship. Guys have done that to me in the past & we always broke up. The guy ended up always wanting me back, but when Im done, Im done. I suggest playing "hard to get" I know maybe it's not the right thing, but it will make him chase you. But I would be hesitant to proceed because if he's doing this now, it's pretty much a sure thing that he will end up doing this in the future when things are settled & going well again. just tell him you need answers. Did he cheat while on holiday? Is he scared of commiting? Does he want to date other people? I'd demand answers b/c you don't deserve to be left in the dark. I know how it feels.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): I think you are rushing him, to clingy,to rehash a past argument. He's looking for a reason to split. Maybe his position has changed since he got into your pants, maybe it didn't live up to its billing, like a bad play! Maybe he has had time to think, (what am I doing). Whatever it is, you need to assess this. If he dosent want open communication, then you don't need this. Start being independent, stifle your emotions, masturbate more, start doing things for you! Don't ask him where he's been, make your self unavailable, make an exit plan.
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A
female
reader, TinyTerrapin +, writes (31 August 2007):
TinyTerrapin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou so much I think that is great advice and thats exactly what I am gonna do!!! the only thing I am worried about is if I do back off will he just end up finishing with me??????
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A
female
reader, EbonyElphie +, writes (31 August 2007):
 Ok, not going to start like I'm an expert or anything, because I'm actually only twelve years old. But when I say something, I mean it. You're in love with this guy, is it not enough to say to him, 'I feel distant'? Because you're not expressing your feelings towards him, he thinks everything is fine. Guys are crap, and they are all the same. But there are those guys we see differently and there is something about them, you may have found your guy, but he's just the same as every other guy on a certain level. They are so oblivious to their own mistakes! You need to make sure he is aware of what he is doing, and aware of how you feel.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (31 August 2007):
 Firstly you did nothing wrong, and whatever is going on in his head he needs to sort out.
I think if you left him alone for a few days he might realise he is spoiling your relationship, and come to his sences. But the more you question him and try to hard to please him, thats why he is rejecting you. Its all about having the upper hand. We shouldnt play games I know but we all do, sometimes without realising.
Basically he needs a swift kick up the bum (not Literally of course). Just back off for a while and I am sure things will change back again.
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