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male
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anonymous
writes: I am in my mid 30s and is a secret introvert. However, as the coach at a popular UK University Sports Society, I end up going out most nights. I have a rule, Sundays are mine. Mine alone. Without it, I would be lost and be unable to cope with interacting with other people.I work as a financial consultant on a full time basis for a large international firm. I coach as a volunteer on my free time, at least 3 evenings a week and most Saturdays. I am on a decent salary, have a mortgage, and have a fierce reputation as a fighter at the national competitions. At the most recent competition, I won double silvers for the University in the highest category. Yet, my life feels empty at the moment. Because of my work and training/coaching commitments, I find it hard to meet new people my own age. Yes I do meet a lot of girls. However, as a coach, I am bonded to the strict code of non-relationship between student and teacher. At the same time, I am bonded to the strict code of not dating co-workers for reason of conflict of interest.I do not wish to give up coaching/training. It is something I have spent over a decade of my life giving my experiences to the next generation.I have always coped with this, however, in the last couple of weeks I found that the person I truly love have cut all contacts. Not just from me, but from all our mutual friends as well. I never truly appreciated the friendship we had. We used to message each other as platonic friends daily. Then weekly. Lately, it has been every few weeks. We used to discussed everything except our relationship with each other. Music, movies, games, training and injuries etc (she was someone I met when I was training in another physical sport). Then suddenly, she's gone. No good byes, no explanation. Just a complete communication cut off. As I said, not just with me, but with all our mutual friends as well. None of them have heard or seen her. Not even on Facebook or Twitter. It could even be with all her friends for all I know. Last message I have from her is that she has been really busy at work. But is it usual to have a complete cut off for so long?Only now I realise what a huge gap her absence has left. I have no way of getting in touch without charging in uninvited. Something I can never do. Personal space means a lot to me, and no matter how much it hurts, I can't bring myself to do it, even for this occasion. But I am really worried about her. Just to know that she is well would be a good peace of mind. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2013): I would first ask around other mutual friends to see if hey have heard from her, just to make sure she is safe and didn't get killed in a car accident or kidnapped something. If no one else has heard from her then it is a legitimate cause for concern if you haven't heard from her for more than a few weeks and its not an invasion of privacy to call or text her just to say hey everyone is worried if you're ok. That's all. I have had friends contact me that way when I got super busy and fell off the face of the earth and I didn't consider it an intrusion at all I though it was nice of them.
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (1 October 2013):
 sounds to me like she could be seeing someone. often times, when people meet someone new, they tend to fall off the grid like that. could this be a possibility?
either that, or she could be going through a hard time right now. whenever i am having a rough time in life, i go into temporary hibernation until i feel ready to reemerge. i don't like to talk about my problems and would rather just be left alone to deal with them on my own. this could also be a possibility.
just give her some time. you'll hear from her again.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 October 2013):
 If you are concerned about a friend's well-being then do not hesitate to find out where she is by contacting her friends and relatives.
It's okay to do that in cases of concern like the one you describe.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 October 2013):
 Are you Rick Petino?????? .... and you're just to ashamed to admit that you've thrown your loyalties to Louisville??????
I was one of your classmates (along with "Dr J") and watched you and John Betancourt as the UMass backcourt....
Dan
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (1 October 2013):
 I would be very concerned if no one has heard from her in a while. If she is an important person in your life then you should go to her house if you have to and make sure she is alive and well. I don't mean to alarm you, but this could be a life or death situation. If you think of it as an emergency then I'm sure you can put your introversion aside for a while.
You will regret not seeking her out, if you find out later that something terrible happened to her.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (1 October 2013):
 There are 2 topics here, one about you being a lonely introvert and the other being about genuine concern for someone you care for dropping off the radar.
You would not be invading her personal space to contact her and check she is OK. That's a normal, friendly thing to do. Don't apply/ project your own Sunday Night Rule to her - she might be delighted to hear from a friend.
If you're not her coach, what is stopping you? You wouldn't be going against this strict code. Even if you were her coach, you'd be perfectly above board sending her a message asking after her well-being.
Regarding your life in general, it sounds as if you're too busy to make time to date. Yet that's what you really want. Can you cut back slightly on your commitments to meet people who have nothing to do with your work or coaching.
You sound like a rather extroverted introvert. As an introvert myself, I feel slightly exhausted just reading about your diary!
Check up on your friend; it's ok, it's not crossing boundaries. Allow yourself some flexibility on this one. If you're not actually her coach, take a leap and let her know your feelings. Nothing ventured etc.
All the best.
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