A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I've just found out an old friend has terminal cancer at 41years old, however we haven't spoken in over 10 years. We didn't fall out but i just decided at the time that due to feeling like her and her boyfriend (now husband) regularly put me down and made me feel rubbish - whilst being super friendly to everyone else, that I would just cut them out Now hearing this news i feel so conflicted, I want to offer my support as it's so tragic and I genuinely feel for her but am I being presumptuous she would want to hear from me? Also am I wanting to get in contact for the wrong reasons? Making amends why I still can as opposed to actually wanting to but maybe later regretting not trying? I'm still very hurt by her actions and even though we have mutual friends she has never tried to find out why I cut ties with her. Also my mum has cancer and I've just had a scare so it's a highly emotional time. Any advice would be welcomed. Thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (23 March 2020):
 Steer clear of her.
She's a former friend for a reason. If things haven't changed, and we've no reason to think they have and you have to cut ties with her again, how much worse are you going to feel doing it in her present state.
Besides, she's got a battle to fight already, and doesn't need to be navigating old baggage.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2020): We had a old friend died from cancer recently.We got a phone call...haven't heard from this person in over thirty years.Call your friend...do not mention the cancer unless they do.Talk about old happy times....You will be glad you did.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2020): There is only one way that I can respond to this, and that is as a Christian. Even if you are a non-believer, allow me to offer you wisdom. Comfort to a friend in pain or in need, is an act of kindness in its purest form. This is what I've learned through prayer, reading my Bible, receiving good ministry, and through my personal-experience.
Place aside all judgement and considerations of why you separated from your friend in the past. Yield only to your sense of compassion; and what you feel in your heart for your friend. You're getting caught-up in the politics and prejudices of modern society. Sometimes what's simple and sincere is all that is necessary. To hear from you, to know that you care, and to be comforted is what anyone would want facing the probability of death. You've buried any past animus or resentment; focusing only on the here and now. You have shown true forgiveness.
Do you think someone who knows they have little time left to live is thinking about such matters as you've indicated? This is the time of forgiveness, to comfort someone who needs it, and to set aside all past differences. If you receive a cold or unenthusiastic reception from your friend; it won't matter, because all that was in your heart was bringing her comfort and support. If darkness should enter the picture, that isn't on you; it is what is in her heart that rejects something good coming her way. Ten years absence is replaced with kindness. She doesn't have another ten years. Pity on her, if she could be so petty in such a time as this.
Never do anything compelled by guilt. You don't deserve applause, or a pat on the back. Never feel put-off or rejected, because sometimes people don't appreciate your kindness. What did Jesus Christ do to deserve crucifixion? Sometimes when we Christians approach people with the message of Jesus and love; we face eye-rolling, mockery, and even disdain like you wouldn't believe. People assume we're judging them, we're crazy; or pushing a self-righteous agenda. Those pure of heart are protected by Jesus, and when we are persecuted or rejected; all that matters is that we obey His commands. We must spread love. His spirit is within us all, and every act of kindness and goodness comes from Him. People in fear and pain sometimes do not give us the reaction or response that we hope for; but it is kindness and goodness that was intended. It's through God's grace they receive it, deserving or not. That is more important than getting a pat on the back; or a big reception to make us feel good about ourselves. It's about your friend, and how you can be of comfort and support to her. Anything else is irrelevant.
It all comes down to this. She is facing her mortality, and knowing there are people who care about her and want to be near her; will mean more to her than you may ever know. God will ease the grief and guilt in your heart as reward for your good-works. Even if you're a nonbeliever; like the rain, God's love falls on everybody.
Even if she is unappreciative or belligerent, wish her well; and give your best to her husband, then be on your way. The seed of kindness you've planted will sprout, long after your departure; because everything we do in kindness, or for the sake of goodness, is done because God made it happen. He's the force behind your compassion, and He put the thought in your mind to go see and comfort your friend. He is seeing that your friend receives love and thoughtfulness from people around her to give her well-wishes and offer her peace of mind.
May you go in God's good graces, and peace be with you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 March 2020):
 You don't have to become a close friend to reach out. You can definitely determine how much interaction you want with her.
It doesn't sound like she was a good friend to you back then, but I think giving her the benefit of the doubt, that she has matured these last 10 years, you could reach out. I wouldn't OFFER to "be there for her" right off the bat.
And I would do it thought private means (as in, not over social media).
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (18 March 2020):
 It is never wrong to reach out to someone and offer compassion. In a situation like this I think most of the time the 2 parties would consider the past water under the bridge. If you are uncomfortable calling, why not send a heart felt card? You can just state you are thinking of her wishing her the best and ask if you can do anything to help? The ball is then in her court. I think it will ease your heart.
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