A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I posted this yesterday but gave everyone the wrong idea by using the word 'intimacy' - I didn't mean sex, I was just trying to describe the feeling of closeness we had, as though we'd been together for a long time...I don't know what happened!! A few days ago I had a great time with the guy I've liked for around 6 months. We kissed (a lot) and shared a great intimacy... we weren't talking about anything that important most of the time, but it felt so close and comfortable. He told me a lot of things, like that I was the only woman he'd been interested in since he met me as well as a fairly long list of things he likes about me - and not just the physical things that most guys will comment on but also about me being smart, funny and the only ray of sunshine in this town. He even hinted at the idea of me being his girlfriend. That day it seemed like we were finally both being real and open with each other. Although I didn't say as much as him because I was a little worried about scaring him off.Then when I saw him the next day, I wasn't quite sure how to act around him and I think I came across as more reserved. The day after that (yesterday) he said he thought we rushed into things. He said he likes me and is attracted to me but isn't sure if he's confusing friendship with something more. He also said he couldn't stand living here without me to talk to if it didn't work out. So then he stressed the idea of us being just friends and now he is treating me as one of the group instead of paying me extra close attention as he used to. I've heard from a fairly reliable source that he hasn't had a girlfriend before, which for a 23 year old guy is slightly unusual - I'm worried that he might back out of anything remotely serious often. I'm also wondering if me being reserved might have made him think I don't want to be with him after all. I guess I'm after any insight on why he might have done this, when things were going so well, and also what I can do about it? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, wiccanrain  +, writes (3 November 2009):
 well i can't say this goes for all cases, but i have a personal experience like that, except we actually did get together, and trust me it is excrutiatingly difficult to break it off with someone that you're friends with. if he says he's attracted to you then take it at face value...he likes you...the chances of him backing out of seriousness could be a great many things..he's scared he'll lose you as a friend, things have happened in his past and so on. or he may just be shy. my advice is to work on the friends thing...if after a while (i mean +1 year), see if either of your feelings have changed. i know you may not want to wait that long. if it bothers you that he treats you as one of the many tell him you'd like to go back to the way it was when you guys were intimate, but you know that it doesn't mean you two are dating...become close friends, he'll learn your quirks and you his and if they don't bother either of you you can try to take the next step...i hope this helps a little :)
A
male
reader, j223 +, writes (3 November 2009):
Move on
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