A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend (of 4.5 years) and I were talking today about the fact I'm doing a postgrad at uni as well as working full time. He said he doesn't understand why, because it's not going to increase the amount of money I earn, and I told him I enjoy it plus it will hopefully allow me to do a similar job to what I do now, but in an industry I'm more interested in.He is quite a money orientated person and always has been, whereas I'm much more of the opinion that while having money is good, that being happy and having healthy relationships with my friends, family and my partner is much more important. I told him this and he said that the thing that could make him happiest is having lots of money and lots of stuff. I was a bit shocked at that statement and told him I found that attitude to be a bit of a turn off, and he got quite annoyed. He seemed to think I'd crossed some sort of line and said he was insulted that I was turned off by him. He said that no girlfriend should tell their boyfriend that because it's so cruel. I told him that isn't what I meant, and it's not him I'm turned off by, it's the 'money means everything' attitude that did. He then said he only meant it as a joke and I'm too uptight and I blew things out of proportion.We spoke for a few more minutes and it was a bit awkward, then he hung up. I'm seeing him later at a gig he is playing at, but I just wanted some more opinions about whether I did cross the line in what I said? I'm pretty tired and stressed right now with my work and I know I've not been able to do as much fun stuff due to workload and the fact I'm funding the course myself, so things have been a bit strained between us. But the fact is what he said did turn me off so maybe I was right to be honest? Any opinions will be greatly received.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2014): He sounds massively immature that he can't talk about this with you, and instead projects his problem onto you by saying you blew it out of proportion!
I totally agree with you, I'd rather be happy and healthy than a millionaire with meaningless "stuff". Educating yourself for the love of it is another fantastic trait, and not just because you're in the pursuit of material items.
Stay calm for now, and continue your plans. But if I were you, I'd be seriously weighing up whether I saw a future with someone with such a different idea about their purpose and goals in life. I'm very fortunate to have married someone who, whilst - like most of us - they would love a bit extra cash for this or that, values our happiness and health much higher than material items. If this were not the case - I wouldn't have been able to marry them!
A
male
reader, Hnk +, writes (12 April 2014):
 I suppose you were right to be honest and personally I believe that money to live a comfortable life is understandable and I'll call it necessity as long as its enough to live a comfortable life but to live for money isn't justified in my eyes!
So I'll agree with you and something I would have done if I were in your shoes! I like being honest, upfront and direct ! It at times offends people or make things awkward but in the long run it cuts out the drama and people who aren't worth fighting for.
You don't get education to earn money ! I understand it helps you get a better job but to acquire knowledge is always healthy and good which must be appreciated! Education and knowledge gives us new prospects to look at same things and improve ourselves in the long run! So I appreciate you are working hard for your postgrad and it will offer you lots apart from money ! So keep moving ahead !
good luck
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