| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I have just had a death in the family my 6 year old cousin died of an epileptic fit and i am finding it hard to cope with it and when i ask for support from my partner he just says that i am being stupid whats done is done but this death is really affecting me big time and i need his support and love how do i go about getting it from him or getting over it????????? please help me im at my witts end :'o(
View related questions:
cousin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kristinp +, writes (2 September 2006):
this guy is proply not good with death he does not no what really to say to you because he is not good with it him self .either that or he just a***
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2006): i have to ask...has he ever experienced a death of an immediate family member before, or a close friend? because sometimes it can have the adverse affect on people, and make them extremely insensitive. one of my best friends had his father pass away when he was 9 years old, and ever since then, he's been shut off emotionally when it comes to death. he's not afraid of dying, and he is unmoved when his friends pass away (he is in the military and has lost some friends). sometimes, people just become hardened to certain things. and so if he has ever experienced something like that before, maybe that's where his insensitivity comes from. but if not, he's just an asshole. that's the only explanation. haha. but take a look and examine why he's being so rude before you make a judgement call. sometimes there are things going on inside of people that we never know about. good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (1 September 2006):
 Hi Anon,I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. Please accept my deepest sympathies.Now I guess it's on to the actual post... Not to be supportive of him, but I'm just trying to figure out why he'd be like this... Maybe seeing you upset just makes him feel really uncomfortable. This sounds like someone who was told to keep his emotions bottled up all of his life. He has no experience with such things in his own life, let alone helping someone else out. This is really bad for him, yes, but because of that it's coming off as him being insensitive. It sounds like he really needs to talk to someone so that he can deal with human emotions better. He has to want that himself, though. (Maybe at some point you can get him to see a counselor or maybe make him feel more comfortable with showing emotion in the future.)Because it doesn't seem like he's had to deal with the whilwind of emotions you're going through right now, I think for the time being you should surround yourself with people who you can lean on and who can be a shoulder for you to cry on. Positive people. Good-hearted people. The ones who will be there for you no matter what, at a time like now. You need to be able to talk about this sort of thing because if you don't you'll mentally and emotionally explode. These times are hard enough without someone acting like your boyfriend is.Once you're feeling a bit better you really need to talk to him about what's going on and why he can't deal with things like this. To me, being able to share feelings with one another - even if they aren't good ones - is one of the most important things in a relationship. I personally wouldn't be able to be with this sort of man - it's like he's made of stone, but worse because he is trying to get you to suppress your feelings.There is too much going on in your life right now. Forget about him for the moment and spend more time with your family and close friends. Address this when you feel more comfortable and not as distraught. Remember this is HIS problem and HE needs to deal with it. Try not to make it yours because it will only make you feel worse at this time.Please go call or get together with a family member or close friend right now. You really need to be with someone other than your boyfriend (sort out what you're going to do with him later). Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (1 September 2006):
 He is a heartless cad - you poor girl,is he made of stone?? If a tragic death of a little child can't move him, WHAT ON EARTH CAN?!?
You are most definitely NOT stupid, and you know it!
I am so dumbfounded at his crass insensitivity that even I am having trouble putting my thoughts up on this - I'm absolutely INCANDESCENT, FURIOUS at the (man ? - I use the word advisedly).
How can you be with someone like that??
You will have to rely on family members for mutual comfort support and solace, and should you need it (and you probably will) some bereavement counselling, as recommended by David Lewis...I hope for your sake, and soul, that you get away from this nasty piece of **** as soon as you can - if he cannot be there with at least a hug for you at this time, he will never be there for you - he deserves to be alone for the rest of his life. I do hope that you don't stick around to see if he has any streak of humanity - you will, of course, find wanting!!
My heartfelt sympathies go to you and your family at this sad time..it will pass in time. Take care, and find a real man who deserves you, and who will be there for you in times of need.
...............................
A
male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (1 September 2006):
 What an insensitive bastard!
At least you see him in his true light now. If he is not willing to give you emotional support in times of need, how can you possibly hope for a future with this guy?
There are many forms of bereavement counselling.
http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/
I lost my 2 month old nephew to meningococcal septicemia, so I can understand the pain you are trying to deal with.
Please feel free to contact me if you would like to chat.
...............................
|
