A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Pleaseplease help me.So I just started working for this company. Keep in mind throughout our HR meetings we were told it is okay to ask a coworker on a date. But anyways..my situation is a little different. I met this man and we will just call him bob. I found myself deeply infatuated with this man and I ended up giving him my number. Now at my work we are set up in different teams. Every team has a team leader and a team coach. I am just an account manager. He was a coach for another team so he wasnt in charge of scoring me on anything or hiring or firing me. So I didn't think anything of it. Anyways this man wasn't who he turned out to say he was. He told me he was 29 and had no kids. ( I am 19 ) I found out recently through my team leader who is essentially my boss that he is really 35 years old and has a 17 year old daughter and he lied about everything. He hasn't talked to me in weeks and I am not looking to get him fired no matter what he lied about. When I talked to my team leader she said technically he could not get in trouble but today my friend stayed later at work and saw my boss and Bob talking she said the conversation looked serious and that bob looked shocked and embarrassed. He up until that point does not know that I know he is 35 and has a 17 year old daughter.My question is should I ask my boss anything? Should I talk to HR and try and clear this up? Should I quit? I don't know what to do. I know he lied about two major things but he wasn't my boss or anything. I am just really worried. I don't know why I still care after he lied about that but I do.
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (21 February 2013):
 " but today my friend stayed later at work and saw my boss and Bob talking she said the conversation looked serious and that bob looked shocked and embarrassed."Your friend and you are assuming a lot of things here. First things first: neither you nor you friend know what your boss and Bob spoke about. It could very well have been serious and it may have nothing to do with you. Maybe he was sleeping with some girl on his team. Maybe they were sharing some office gossip. Maybe he did a terrible job on one of his assignments and is under fire performance wise. It could be a private problem, or a number of things. Likewise, your friend might have read too much into it, since you're in the middle of Dramaville and you're paranoid and upset thinking that everything is about the two of you.Secondly, what is the HR policy on dating in the office? First you say you can date co-workers, then you change the story and say it's OK that you two had a thing because he was not your superior. Clearly there is an HR policy then in place where supervisors/management are not allowed to date people who directly report to them. This is the case for most work places, since this can lead to either positive things (the boss can give you good reviews, promotions, assigning easier tasks, getting more recognition ect) or negatives (giving bad reviews, trying to get you fired, lying about your performance/abilities, ect) as a direct result of being in a relationship. Any company with an HR department will have at least that provision in place to keep an ethical business practice. Now you state that you did not report directly to him and that you have a different boss. If this is the case, you and Bob are not in violation of any policy. You don't report to him, so it's not a problem. The fact that he lied to you about his age and his family life is your problem alone. It's not between you and your boss or you and HR.My question is this: why did your boss tell you that he is older and has kids? Clearly you must be talking about him to co-workers and/or your boss for them to even know about you two and the lies he tells you. My advise to you would be to keep your private life private. Talking about your love life at work is very unprofessional. You're making a spectacle of yourself and drawing the kind of attention that you do not want at the work place. It should be about your work, not what lies and drama surrounds you and another co-worker.My question is should I ask my boss anything? No. You have no business asking your boss what she discusses with another superior. Again, this is very childish and unprofessional. They could be talking about many things and none of it is your business. If they need to address you, they will. This is one of those things that are on a "need to know basis". And if you're not addressed and you're not informed, you don't need to know.Should I talk to HR and try and clear this up? Again, you are assuming a lot of things, primarily that this is all about you and that your situation is a problem. As someone that works in HR, I can tell you this: do not go to HR to discuss this. Again, if you're not violating any policy, you're in the clear. What will you tell them that could be of any use? That Bob lied to you about his age, his children and that you don't want him to get fired for it? Trust me, HR hears a lot of lame things and a lot of unnecessary HS drama. If you were in violation of a policy you and Bob would be called into the HR office and necessary disciplinary actions would be taken. If HR wants to speak to you or Bob, believe me, they will find you. Please do not go into that office and burden them with your drama. Unless you are being sexually harassed, I would strong suggest you do not speak to HR as it will make you look like an unprofessional drama queen.Should I quit?Why would you want to quit? Because you're not comfortable being around someone that lied to you? Because the entire office knows about you two? Or other reasons? If he is not quitting (and he has more to loose and more people that would look down on him) then why should you? If you feel the work environment has turned sour because of your little romantic episode take it as a lesson learned. This is exactly why it's best to never strike up a romance at your work place. If you feel embarrassed and stressed out about the situation, keep your current job and start applying to new places. Do not talk to your coworkers, your boss or anyone at the work place about Bob and keep it professional. If you don't focus on it, neither will those around you.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 February 2013):
 I suggest that you stay at your job... DO you job as best you can.... look to YOUR future and how you can advance it.
Notice that there is NO mention of this creep that you talked about????? That's because THERE IS NO PLACE FOR HIM IN YOUR LIFE.... NOT IN YOUR PERSONAL LIFE... NOT IN YOUR BUSINESS LIFE....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 February 2013):
 I do not see how his lying to you about his age and parental status has any bearing on his job....
I don't see how you need to talk to HR or your boss about it....
he lied to you... not the boss... not HR...
and it was not about work... it was his personal business...
let it go. pretend it never happened.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): If the company has no policy that objects to internal staff affairs, then whether you dated him or whether he lied should have no bearing on your job. I also dont understand why your boss would interfere.
I would simply deny any involvement other than friendship and not keep contact with a liar.
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