A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi thereI'm 15, and right now, I'm extremely stressed out, so I thought I'd come to you guys and ask for some advice.Within the past few months, I've had a hard time social wise because of a boy that I can't seem to fall out of love with. He's one of the few people that make me truly happy and want to be myself around. Thing is, he's my ex-boyfriend, and he doesn't seem to think that us getting back together would be any different than the previous time we dated (which was last year, actually). Since the time that school has started this year, he's been off and on with this one girl who I am friends with, and also dated my best friend after [unintentionally?] making me believe he was interested in me during a time when he was single.This guy...well other than the fact that he seems to want a physical relationship right now more than anything, is a nice person. He is devoted and very trustworthy, and I feel like he understands me. At the moment, he's angry with me because I got a bit upset with him and his girlfriend at a party we all recently attended. At the party, his girlfriend, not wanting to lose me, said she wouldn't show any PDA (which they both normally show a lot of elsewhere).And that's just that one girl. When he dated my best friend, I lost it for a little while. I lost all hope because I seriously thought he liked me, I lost trust in all my friends who seemed involved with the whole scheme they had set up to get those two together behind my back, and I isolated myself from everyone. At times I thought of killing myself. I cut, something I normally never do, but I talked myself out of that.A month or so has passed since then, and I'm doing better, but now I just can't get my head away from him. From the memories. Even where he used to touch my body in playful gestures I almost feel a pain from the places. I'm not sure how to get out of this, and I really want to.And along with that, my good friend (not the one he dated) thinks she's pregnant, and my grades are dropping because of this whole situation.Any advice, please, would be awesome at this point.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): Drama queen.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (13 December 2009):
 Okayyy, first up lets make sure I understand your problem.
You are 15 and 12 months ago you broke up with your ex boyfriend.
He wont get back with you because he says nothing has changed and the reasons you broke up still exist.
Since then he has unintentionally dated your best friend.
He is also dating another girl off and on, and at some stage during that 12 months when he wasn’t dating anybody else he indicated he was interested in you again.
He currently wants to have a physical relationship with you and nothing else.
He and his current girlfriend, the one he is on off with, are angry with you because, despite his g/f telling you they would not have any PDA in an effort to spare your over sensitive feelings, they couldn’t help themselves and they did publically display their affections.
During the short period he dated your best friend you lost all hope in a relationship with him, and you lost trust in your friends because it seemed they were all conspiring to get your best friend and your ex boyfriend together, and so you isolated yourself from everybody.
That was one month ago, since then he is back with the on off girl.
And you cant get him out of your head, and the fact another friend is pregnant, not the best friend or the current girlfriend, nor is your ex boyfriend the father, is adding to your stress and as a result your grades are dropping.
Okay here goes …… I think it was wrong of you to expect your friend and her boyfriend, even if he is your ex boyfriend, to refrain from PDA just to soothe your sense of outrage, you are being unreasonable. So take that off your list of things that bother you.
Your best friend is no longer dating your ex boyfriend, so that should no longer have any impact on your studies, so take that off the list of things that bother you.
The girl being pregnant seems to have nothing to do with you, and so it shouldn’t, its an issue for her and her parents and perhaps a social worker to deal with, so you can drop that from your list of things that bother you.
What does that leave on the list, oh yes, the only thing that should be of primary concern at this stage of your life, your grades, so get a grip and if necessary isolate yourself again until you catch up on your grades, rather than paying most of your attention to who is kissing who and who said what to whom; concentrate on your school work. Any problems you have with your grades have been caused by your own behaviour and the only person who can fix the problem is you.
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