A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I would like to be able to masterbate in front of my husband, but even after reading all the encouraging comments about it I am still quite nervouse about it. Heck, I cant even ask him for sex when I am in the mood. I'm just not sexually aggressive anymore because of a past boyfriend that pretty much made me feel like a pig and pretty much pushed me away when I was sexually aggressive. Eight years in that relationship did serious damage to my ability to anitiate sex. Anyone have any ideas how I can over come my fears?
View related questions:
confidence, in the mood Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 Here are my suggestion for revision of your own thought process:1. Do not relate your ' bad relationship' with your sexual act.
2. Relationships is really tools to actualize sexual pleasure, if tools is hurting, then one is bound to replace it with good tools, means good relationships.
3.Relationship is in no way, end in itself. But, life has end, purpose and intention. Sex is the essence of life, and sex pleasure is proper goal of sexual activity.
4.Do not confuse about 'love', it is in primary stage only liking, then admiration, and still develop then 'love'. But, love is a dual state of mind, it has association with feeling of 'hate' also. Love and hate are two aspect of single coin. If coin has hate at both side, then it will not work. One is bound to find out good coin where both site is filled with love.
5. Sex is most intense form, that need true love.
i think, above suggestion will help to start new and fresh thought process.
WITH BEST LUCK.
A
female
reader, Anon202020  +, writes (7 February 2010):
I am really sorry to hear that things with your ex left you feelings so unsure about yourself. It sounds like it was more his issues than anything to do with your 'aggressive' behaviour. In fact, from your email, I imagine you refer to your behaviour as aggressive because of how he left you feeling, rather than about it actually being aggressive.
I was always pretty shy about being an initiator (I see it as initiating, rather than being aggressive), but my loving partner allowed me to be comfortable in it, even when he wasn't up for sex. i.e. he responded gently and kindly. What i'm saying is, when you're with a partner who cares for you, like I'm sure your husband does, his gentle responses will guide you to be more open and initiate more comfortably.
Maybe talk to him about your fears and work out ways for building up slowly. Let him know that you worry about being rejected, so that if you initiate and his not in the mood, that he signals to you in a gentle way that he's not up for it.... indicating that his tired etc, rather than it being about you. Maybe you can even agree that if he's not in the mood all you need if for him to caress you in a certain way or go down on you or whatever you feel comfortable with.... it doesn't always have to be about going the full mile.
As for masturbating in front of him... same deal. Talk to him about your fears and build up slowly. Maybe you can start off with the lights off, both of masturbating while the other just listens on. Then with the lights on, with you under the covers, then during sex, you both separate/whatever feels comfortable and reach climax alone. Whatever you choose, let it be something you have discussed in the past and work up to it in steps that feel comfortable for you.
If all this fails, it sounds like your past relationship was seriously abusive, at least emotionally, if not more. You may want to consider talking to a psychologist about some of the trauma you suffered and also about facing your fears regarding sex. Your husband may even be able to attend some of these sessions with you.
Good luck!!
...............................
|
