A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is 12 yrs younger than me, and we have been living together for 2 yrs now. I have never trusted him due to an ongoing issue of him gawking at younger women. I am not beautiful, but I am not too bad. My self esteeme level is diminished completely though, because of our issue. He has gotten better, and makes an effort not to gawk in front of me anymore.He goes to a local bar for a drink after work often, because he is an alcoholic. Recently, I noticed that there seems to be something going on with a young female bartender and him. She has SOME regard for my feelings, but I get the impression that they are a lot friendlier when I am not around. And, I can tell that she has feelings for him, Because of the way she looks at him, or doesn't at times. And I catch him staring at her sometimes. Just the other day, we were leaving the bar, and she purposely came to our end as we were leaving. He made it a point to walk over to her, and stand in front of her to say goodbye. She kept looking down to avoid his eyes. She just STOOD there in a stooper, and didn't say a word, looking down. He tried to look into her eyes, but she wouldn't allow him. Boy did a red flag go up in my mind! After that incident, he hasn't wanted to be intimate with me for 4 days now.What do you all think? Should I be suspicious?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your imput "Waz" I can see your point of view. I wish that you could actually be there, to see how he is always glancing at her every 4 seconds, and the way she looks at him. I know to you, that I may seem like a "nutter" ha ha, cute word, but a professional attitude toward your customers, is a lot different than acting speechlessly emotional when a regular customer says goodbye to you. She could have said "Good bye, have a great night!" I know all about "professional attitudes, for I was in the retail business for 17 years.
Plus after this incident, he hasn't touched me in a week. Any input on that?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks every one for your replies, greatly appreciated. I did confront him, and he said that my assumptions were ridiculous. I am old enough to know that that is how guys like him would normally respond when put on the spot. Things will come to a conclusion soon.
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A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot  +, writes (12 August 2008):
 From what you described, he doesn't seem like much of a catch. I don't think wandering eye or alcoholic would be at the top of many people's lists in a mate.
Maybe you should cut things back to casual dating with this guy and go out and date others. Life is too short to be with someone this flawed and making this unhappy.
Best wishes xo
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A
female
reader, BigSis  +, writes (12 August 2008):
 Flspy...
It's bad enough that this woman is worried and fretting about her relationship, she doesn't need to hear those sort of comments.
People are coming on this site for help and advice, please be nice.
If you wanted to send a message out to her with some good old fashioned home truths ~ then I'm sure you could have found a less harsher way of expressing yourself.
BigSis
x
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A
female
reader, °Ale°  +, writes (11 August 2008):
 I think you answered your own question. You gave yourself a list of all the things that make you feel suspicious of this man. Trust your gut feeling, its usually right. If you're in the position of moving on and find your happiness, do it. If not, I suggest you put your cards on the table and set some rules. Your well being should be a priority (unless you have kids) But do look at the bigger picture an figure out what's best for you.
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A
male
reader, flspy +, writes (11 August 2008):
An alcoholic cheater? Are you mentally challenged? Are you a Christian? What did your parents do to you?
Do you really want to stay with a guy who hits on the town bar whore? Geez- get a life- and some backbone.
And don't confront her- it's his fault.
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A
female
reader, superrrshawna +, writes (11 August 2008):
 yes! you should be suspicious!
there is definitely something going on there and i think you need to confront him about it.
good luck!
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