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anonymous
writes: February last year having convinced a friend to do a fringe show, through his cast I met a gorgeous, genuine, guy; we instantly clicked and fell in love. We had wonderful dating time together, talked endlessly and just got on well. My employment and home circumstances changed soon after and I had been considering spending time with family abroad, he asked me to stay and to move in with him. Having declined at first feeling it may be too early in the relationship, in May I accepted and moved into his flat. Things were difficult between us at times as we'd both been single and used to living alone for a few years prior. I wasn't working initially and money was also an issue, he was working long hours but we made a decision we wanted to make it work. I was taken to meet his family on a few occasions and things were sorting themselves out when in September I found he had text another girl and arranged to meet her behind my back. When questioned he lied then said he had been 'tempted.' I promptly left but returned a week later in response to a beautiful email telling me how much he loved me and that he had just been flattered by this other girl's attention but had no intention of pursuing things further. The following week was difficult resulting in him lying about something minor, me losing my temper and having a brief candid conversation with his mother telling her the truth about what had happened. We resolved our disagreement but he found out about the conversation with his mother and branded me 'destructive.' Since then he has been awful, angry, abusive in complete contrast to the loving, reasonable man I fell in love with and made things very difficult for me to get my belongings and post etc out of his flat and saying he likes being single again. This has been dragged out over a few painful months and he has since said he never loved me and has been sleeping around. He is very dismissive of anything I say or attempts to rectify and apologies I have made to him and his mother. Recently I went to the flat and spent the night but he has maintained his negative view of everything. He now says he 'thinks' he may be falling in love with another woman already. I am devastated as I know that I made mistakes too over reacting to issues we had and feel it a dreadful shame that something that had been going so well went so wrong in such a short space of time. I'm frustrated and saddened by his whole attitude. This situation has brought out the worst in us both and he is displaying the sort of fiery behaviour that I was at first found attractive but now being criticised for. I miss him terribly, want him back and just to go home. How can I salvage a relationship from this mess?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): Honey, I'm really sorry to be having to say this to you, but you need to move on. He's messing you about and being mean to you, and you deserve so much more! It's so bad to hear of how much you've gone through, but it seems like he's just being immature and spiteful. I know that you love him, but love's hard honey.. If he's not willing to make an effort to salvage your relationship too, then he can't value it that much. He might be saying these things to hurt you, but him falling in love again may be true.. Personally, I think its time to back away from him once and for all, and show him that you have the power to move on from him. Good luck ok honey.
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