A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:After breaking up for good with a girl I have been seeing and communicatin constantly with for the last 2 years or so I don't want to do anything but sleep or stay at home. i am ignorin calls from friends and really dont want to do anything at all. it's been 2 months now since the break up. i go to work and then just come up and stay in my bedroom with the lights off. i know she doesnt feel the same since i checked her facebook and she's all smiles with friends.i dont feel like harmin myself, just want to be left alone. is this normal? how long will this last?? should i see a shrink?thank you very much.
View related questions:
a break, depressed, facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): I just wanna thank everyone for their answers, very helpful and comforting.
thank you for your time and wisdom.
A
female
reader, Manya  +, writes (4 July 2011):
I think all the advice given by the Aunts is excellent, and that you will very soon see the light at the end of the tunnel!! Start slowly to just emerge into the world.
I
know what it feels like to break up, it's like you've been run over by a truck! But you'll be surprised at how resilient you are! Treat yourself kindly & don't keep staying at home all the time any more.
One thing that's good to do when you are disappointed, is to do something for someone else, call your grandmother or grandfather, write a letter to someone who is sick. Help ann older person with their grocieries or a child with their homework.
also what danielpew said about doing your work well is very good advice.
Think back to the you you were before you ever met this girl. You had happy times then, I'm sure!
Down the road, there will be another woman, someone absolutely fantastic! Just start moving!!!
Love,
Manya
...............................
A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (3 July 2011):
i know how you feel i think everybody has been through this at some point in their lives i would suggest go out with your friends have fun and try to take your mind off it as sitting about on your own will only make it worse because it is all you will think of try doing things you used to do before you met her and you will soon see once you keep yourself busy things will seem a whole lot better :)
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 July 2011):
 Oh, it's normal. Just make the conscious decision not to feel miserable. Go out, have fun, pamper yourself, and, above all, get your work done, and well done.
If you broke up, it would not make any sense for you to feel this way even if she were feeling miserable. It's over, and there's no reason why you should spend the rest of your life in sadness.
Be happy!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2011): Sorry but totally disagree, 2 months isn't excessive at all, might only take you 6 weeks to get over a breakup but everyone is dofferent in how they cope!!
You have come on here asking for advice which say's you think you need to start doing something, try keeping yourself busy, go out even if it is just for a walk, go to the shops, go visit family and friends, the more busy you are the less likely you are to think about it. Hopefully that will help you. I don't think you need to see a councilor, you know the relationship is over and you know you need to move on. You will have good days and bad days, to start with you will have more bad days but it will get to the point where you will have more good days then bad. Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 July 2011):
 yeah it's normal but at 2 months out, it's excessive.
in my world we allow SIX weeks to wallow.... you've had that.
time to get up slowly but surely and get back into life...
visit with your friends.... talk to them start small.
and yes it might be a great idea to see a doctor and see if a small short term dose of anti-depressants could help break this cycle....
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2011): Yeah it's normal but it's counterproductive.
You have to force yourself out of this though and get back out there. Just because you want to be left alone doesn't mean you should be alone.
Don't see a shrink just yet. First try and get through this on your own by getting out there and being with your friends.
OP you're just in the moping stage of grieving you have to pull yourself out of it, but by bit just start getting back to normal and get out there and be with your friends.
You've been shutting yourself off for 2 months now, has it made things better? It hasn't really has it? You feel lonely, you feel left out and you're still aching over a girl you can't have and checking her facebook etc.
OP you're not going to get over her until you start moving on with your life. By staying at home alone all you're doing is keeping yourself trapped in your grief, how are supposed to stop feeling lonely and empty when all you do is sit at home thinking about what you've lost?
As I said at the start, it is a very normal reaction we all either feel that way or do the same thing but most of us know how important it is to not go through things like this alone. We humans are social animals OP, we need our friends to help us and guide us in times like these. Whether we feel ready to face people or not doesn't matter we have to be out there living our lives and moving on.
We all deal with grief in different ways. I'm of a similar type person to you in that I need a bit of alone time to process things to get over the worst of it, but it's not s long term solution and it can leave you feeling empty and alone if done for too long.
Now the fact you've come here asking us what you should do tells me you've reached the stage where you know that the time has come to change your situation. You have reached the point where quiet introspection has run it's course and it's not making things better, so it's time to take the next step and start rebuilding the life you had before she was around. You may not feel like leaving the house today, but give one of your buddies a call and go watch a movie or go bowling or something.
OP you're stuck in the past now, block her profile on facebook and stop checking it out. She is your past and she has to be consigned to history now, she can no longer be a part of your present or you'll have no future.
OP this will only last as long as you let it and if you don't start living again, if you don't force yourself out there then it will just stay like this.
You're not happy with this situation so change it. If you find it impossible to talk to friends about this or you don't have friends that will listen then go speak to a counselor. Enough being alone though, the next part of the healing process is to talk things out with other people and get new perspectives only then will your mind start to ease up.
...............................
A
male
reader, BJS  +, writes (3 July 2011):
Hey there,
I feel your pain man, dont worry, its normal. If it wasnt like that, it would have meant you hadnt loved her. The thing is, what are you going to do about it??
Well bro, its time to look after yourself now. My first bit of advice, cut off all contact - All contact?? Yes, all contact.
1) Facebook is bad for breakups. Eliminate and block her for the moment. If you need to, tell her that you are moving on with your life and in the future maybe you can be friends, but right now, its not productive.
2) Same applies for sms, phonecalls, etc...
3) Get BUSY: Gym, dance lessons, new hobby... You will meet new people, you will feel better, its good for breakups. I hear you say you dont feel like it. I know you dont, but DO IT as a chore till it becomes natural.
4) Your friends. Get with them, answer their calls, they want the best for you.
Finding a new girl isnt necessarily the best way to go - Some people do, some dont. I think its best to resolve your feelings about the past before you move on. But everyone is different.
Its about you now man, look after yourself as you looked after her.
Be happy :)
...............................
|
